Sibling bonds are sadly underrepresented in most genres, something I aimed to fix in the Eirenic Verses. Cerie and Uileac’s bond isn’t idle window dressing but one of the most important connections in the series; multiple of the books hinge upon this relationship.
My brother and I are very close, so it just felt natural to me that I write about siblings. In fact, I couldn’t imagine not exploring how important family is to me, something I wish others would do, too.
I wouldn’t say that Cerie and Uileac have the same relationship as I do with my own brother, even though they are big brother and little sister like we are. All my characters are their own people. I may have taken some traits from people I know, but it’s all been blended into such a slurry that no one in the series fully resembles a real-life human – nor are they intended to.
Still, I have taken the essence of the sibling bond I understand and applied it to them, with adjustments based on their personalities and history. This is a difficult thing to do: siblings that are too close may spawn some uncomfortable suggestions, but those who are too distant may not feel authentic. So there’s a careful balance here, which I hope I have achieved.
I’d like to discuss some of what I’ve considered in forming my character relationships so that you can apply them for yourself.
Note that I am primarily talking about adult siblings. My series after 9 Years Yearning involves adults, so I don’t really discuss or explore those childhood periods. And I don’t like kids anyway.
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Do not use sexually charged descriptions.
This should be a total duh, but as displayed by the example I gave on perspectives in description, it is not.
I imagine that single-child authors don’t really understand that siblings’ brains are hardwired not to think about our blood relatives in that way, at least if we were raised together. They think about characters in terms of how they personally feel about them rather than how the character himself would.
In that post, I showed how Uileac talks about his little sister. He does mention her body, but it’s about how she looks different than he remembers.
What things should you avoid discussing when having one sibling describe the other? These are a few points.
Descriptions like “busty,” “toned,” “voluptuous,” “fit.” More neutral things like “slim” are okay, but “lithe” may be pushing it.
Any discussion of breasts, at all. But you shouldn’t be talking about those anyway, as I stated in my “men writing women” post.
Lips. People usually only talk about one another’s lips when they want to do something with those lips. Now, you might be able to get away with it if one of the siblings is on the brink of death and their lips are turning blue, or if they have been tortured and their lips are cracked and chapped. But if their lips look normal, don’t discuss them.
Calling one another beautiful or handsome, even if others use this term or demonstrate desire for one of the characters.
Things about their figure. For example, a brother would not discuss his sister having an hourglass figure.
In general, the way siblings talk about one another’s bodies will not be complementary. They are more likely to point out one another’s flaws than to discuss their attractive qualities because, well, their brains sort of edit that out. I will tell you if my brother’s beard is looking scruffy and ugly, and he’ll tell you if I’ve got a pimple.
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Be cautious about siblings tending to one another.
If you’ve got a grand adventure going on, it’s likely that someone will get hurt, and if the siblings care about one another, they will want to help. But they’re not going to be delicately sobbing and stroking their sibling’s hair. A parent might do that, but probably not a sibling.
In my next book, Absent All Light, I have a scene where Uileac tries to perform CPR on Cerie after she almost drowned. Cerie is revolted by the close proximity and shoves him away, finding this more disgusting than literally anything else she has recently endured.
I, too, would be hysterical with anger if my brother did that to me, even if it saved my life. It’s gross, and Cerie acknowledges that as any sister would.
Anything that would require a sibling to get naked or touch near to erogenous zones is off-limits. For example, washing a little brother would be offloaded onto someone else, such as the brother’s romantic partner or parental figure. The big sister might throw clothes at the brother and tell him to get it done while she retreats.
The presence of others also changes the way things feel. If anything is done that might become over-intimate if described wrong, then have someone else present while it’s happening, who can discharge any uncomfortable tension. For example, a friend or unrelated person – or even a sibling’s love interest – may be there to talk through what’s happening.
We’ve established through the other books that Orrinir and Cerie are very close: more like actual siblings than just in-laws. But, still, they are technically not blood-related, so we need to further clarify that nothing freaky is going on behind the scenes.
In Saint Luridalr and the Peony Phoenix, Cerie’s brother-in-law Orrinir feeds her, and Cerie whines that she can do it herself. This already helps to reduce any potential quasi-incest vibes because if she were into it, she couldn’t be complaining.
This is achieved through light-hearted banter. Orrinir says that if she’s going to act like a baby, she’ll be treated like one, and Uileac threatens to burn all her stuff so she doesn’t get them sick. Uileac’s presence also serves as a moderating force because we know he would step in if things seemed weird.
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The greater family dynamic influences how siblings react to one another.
Whether they mean to or not, many parents play favorites, typically preferring those who are closest to them in personality or interests. This can breed resentment or make one sibling more closely resemble the parent who liked them most.
Later on in the Eirenic Verses, we meet Haniya, who really dislikes both of her siblings. Daiski, the bastard half-brother, is an evil troublemaker, and her sister Marget was the golden child despite not being the heir. It’s clear that both the siblings got more attention than her: either they needed constant management or were fawned over.
Her iciness toward these two works to make her seem both petulant and vulnerable. It also serves as a nice contrast to Uileac and Cerie, showing that being blood related doesn’t always necessarily create a real bond.
However, traumatic events like losing a parent will either bring siblings closer or drive them away.
Uileac, being the oldest, adopted a more paternal role than most big brothers. It’s shown that Cerie was the baby of the family, who was spoiled and showered with care. She was born four years after Uileac, so she was likely a pleasant surprise for their parents, who may have thought they couldn’t have another.
Maybe Uileac resented this specialness before their parents died, but he’s come to absorb his parents’ attitude, perhaps as a way to keep them alive through his actions. Cerie is also his only family member left, so he’s more protective than other big brothers might be.
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Sibling relationships have power differentials that may not necessarily reflect birth order.
When I say “power differentials,” I’m not necessarily talking about status. One person may be a high-powered politician but still feel small and inadequate next to their accountant brother.
This comes back to the original family dynamic. The golden child could be a total fuckup, but they have authority over their other siblings, even if they’ve moved out or their parents have passed away. That sense of superiority remains long after everyone has become their own actualized individuals.
One of my friends has several siblings. They are all older now, and their parents have passed away, but she still talks about them in terms of who was the favorite, who was the black sheep, and who left to forge his own way. Our earliest memories leave a strong imprint and will flavor our relationships for the rest of our lives, even as circumstances change.
These differentials can shift over time, but they will still have a flavor of what we were like as children. If one sibling is very ill, then they will naturally require more attention than everyone else, and this can breed resentment or a sense of paternalism, depending on how old everyone is and how close they were before the illness.
Other times, a child may be saddled with what I call Residual Fuckup Syndrome. Maybe they had a drug addiction, or a mental health crisis, or made some bad financial decisions and needed to be dug out of the hole. But they turned everything around and are now doing well for themselves.
The thing is that our impressions of other people tend to be pretty sticky. Even if we logically know that the person is doing better, we may still treat them with mild condescension because we can’t release that feeling of superiority, pity, or disdain. The sibling’s new reality doesn’t fully penetrate our hearts and minds; they will always be the fuckup, whether they resemble that or not.
This can create some very interesting dynamics between siblings if one experiences significant character growth while the other remains stagnant. There will be a quiet, unspoken tension between the new reality and the old one, which can be played out in numerous subtleties.
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How well a sibling fulfills family expectations will influence how well they are treated by others and whether they have more power.
This depends on what the family values and how strongly these expectations are inferred.
If the siblings’ parents really emphasize the importance of having children, any child that gives them grandbabies is going to be favored, no matter how badly their life is going in other ways. If they value education, then the highest-achieving sibling will naturally gain authority over the others.
You don’t have to go into the siblings’ earliest lives and childhood in detail if it’s not important to the plot. Even in 9 Years Yearning, which sees Uileac and Cerie as children, we don’t get a lot of information about who they were before the story begins: just little hints that suggest at deeper themes. However, having a basic idea of who was the favorite, who was the outcast, and who was ignored can give you ideas of how they may relate to each other later on.
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External pressures, particularly other relationships, can change sibling bonds.
For most people, their romantic connections predominate even family connections. As such, two siblings who have partners are going to interact differently than two single ones.
In the first half of the series, Uileac is married while Cerie is single. He continues to act like more her father than an older brother, always fussing over her and protecting her. Cerie presents as the pampered child of him and Orrinir.
Later, though, she gets her own partner, and we see this connection start to become a little more distant. Both of them are occupied nurturing their own relationships. While they still love one another, they don’t spend as much time together and tend to talk about external issues, not internal ones. We understand that they remain close, yet their connection is no longer the primary factor in either of their lives.
Uileac has essentially allowed his surrogate child to grow up, and now he can focus on his marriage more than managing her. In Shadow and Sword, he chooses to go off on a journey without Cerie, though for her benefit. This would have been unthinkable when they were younger, but now he recognizes that she can tackle challenges by herself and instead focuses on what needs to be done elsewhere.
Children also complicate an adult sibling bond. If one sibling has children and the other doesn’t yet (or doesn’t want any), they can no longer perfectly relate to each other: the parent-sibling is going through an experience that their brother or sister can’t understand.
When both have children, then they may commiserate or trade childcare duties, but they won’t have as much time to sit and chat together as they used to. Their focus has shifted to caring for their own children rather than supporting each other.
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Sibling banter is an excellent way to show closeness and camaraderie.
In truth, I had siblings in my series because I simply love the banter that comes from two people who have watched each other grow up: the inside jokes, the fond insults, the exasperation. The way siblings mock each other is unique in the breadth of human experience and really cannot be replicated, even by close friendships.
The reason for this is that siblings can get away with much more than anyone else can. While teasing insults from parents may cause genuine harm, it doesn’t feel as hurtful when coming from a sibling because they are on the same level of power, assuming that they are close in age.
Moreover, siblings know one another more deeply than just about anyone else would, even parents. They are together so often during the formative years, observing each other and adjusting their perceptions as they change, that they have keener insights about what their brother or sister values.
Adult siblings often joke about how no one else would love their brother or sister, knowing full well that they do love them and value them. Another common topic of banter is ugliness – remembering that siblings do not generally register one another as attractive. We’re all ugly in the eyes of our brothers and sisters, no matter how beautiful we might be to others.
Uileac and Cerie constantly call one another stupid, ugly, whiny, bitchy, and so on, but we see their actions don’t match their words. It’s hard to believe they hate one another when they’re going the extra mile to care for one another when sick. For example, Uileac reads a bedtime story to Cerie in Saint Luridalr and the Peony Phoenix while also calling her bratty and annoying. She’s ill, so he sleeps outside of her door even as she complains that she doesn’t want him to help her.
It’s this mismatch between words and deed that makes their relationship warm and compelling. In fact, it would ruin everything if they actually said they love each other on a regular basis. This reluctance to compliment one another makes it all the more heartwarming when they do break that mask and admit how much they care.
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Much as people may act otherwise, romantic relationships are not the end-all be-all of human experience. A story that only highlights romantic love comes across as flat and empty. We are all defined by our connections to dozens of people: friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances.
By highlighting this very relatable dynamic, you can develop a story that feels richer and more lived-in than if two lovers seemed to exist in a vacuum, devoid of other forms of care.
