Romance can be very challenging, as I’ve learned over the years of writing partnerships. This is especially if it’s just one facet of the overall book, surrounded by other important things.
I’ll often read a book and find that I can’t even envision a future for the two characters because the only interesting thing was trying to catch each other. Or, on the other hand, I can’t fathom why they want to chase each other in the first place; they’re so mismatched that they’d hate each other if they weren’t both sexy.
Now, some caveats before I begin. I am only writing about non-toxic relationships here because I don’t touch dark romances. My pointers may not apply if you intentionally write abusive dynamics.
Similarly, I am also not talking about pure erotica, where it doesn’t always matter if the characters would get along outside of a sexual relationship. So my advice is limited to healthy relationship dynamics that are not entirely sexual.
As always, take all writing advice with a grain of salt. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then that’s fine. This is just my opinion based on years of writing.
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Both characters are fully-fledged individuals in their own right.
In many books, the Main Character (MC) will be fully fleshed out, and the Love Interest (LI) is a cardboard cutout who is just there to look sexy and cause the MC angst. While that’s fine if that was your intention, that’s not really romance: it’s just using a second character as a prop for the MC’s internal problems.
But sometimes the MC is the problem. Some MCs are written like they have to be in a relationship to be interesting; they wilt when they’re alone. Real-life people who are like this tend to be extremely codependent, and it’s honestly quite sad to see, so we want to avoid that if we want healthy relationships.
To figure out whether both characters are fleshed out, imagine if they had never met. Could you still come up with something interesting for the LI other than falling into another relationship? Would they still have a purpose, goals, dreams, aspirations? If not, you’ve got some work to do.
Later on in the Eirenic Verses, Cerie meets her future wife. Because we have gotten to know her across four different books, we know that Cerie can stand on her own two feet. She’s a three-dimensional character with her own personality, goals, needs, and fears who is only enhanced by being in a relationship, not made small by it.
By falling in love, she harnesses even more of her power; she has someone by her side who pushes her to achieve more.
If you’re not sure whether your character can stand on their own outside of a relationship, try writing a short story before the two characters meet. You can even write a prequel (or five …), as I did before Cerie’s relationship begins.
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Neither character is perfect.
Perfect truly is the enemy of good when it comes to characterization, as I discussed in my post on relatable characters. This is both because they come across as artificial and because there is no conflict between the MC and anyone.
In Pride Before a Fall, we see exactly how neither Uileac nor Orrinir is perfect. Uileac is stubborn and prideful, while Orrinir is codependent and terrible at talking about his emotions. This compounds the stresses coming from outside of their relationship (Uileac being kicked by a horse) and makes them squabble.
But despite that, we can see they still love each other. The romance comes from them trying to understand one another, even when it’s difficult and they have diametrically opposing views on how to solve problems. Their arguments don’t become nasty because there’s a baseline of respect, admiration even, between the two.
Their imperfections cause friction, but they also enable deeper character growth. We want them to work through their differences and come together because we can see that while they are not perfect, they are well-matched.
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“The Chase” is just one facet of the relationship.
As I mentioned in the intro, I get extremely annoyed if the characters get together and then … that’s it. That’s the end. I can’t imagine them living a life beyond that Happily Ever After. The whole goal was to get them together, and now nothing else makes sense.
While you don’t have to write beyond them getting together, especially if this is a pure romance novel that ends when they finally start a relationship, you should be able to imagine something for them to do.
One of my favorite relationships is Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian from Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation. Beyond the fact that Lan Wangji suffered endlessly both before and after Wei Wuxian’s first death, then waited for him for over a decade (swoon), what I adore most about them is that they clearly work together.
They are evenly matched, both in intellect and physical strength; they understand one another on a deeper level. Lan Wangji is obsessively devoted to Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian really can’t fathom life without Lan Wangji anymore. They have fun together (or as much as fun as Lan Wangji can really have with all those damn precepts) and they share a similar mindset of “the ends justify the means.”
It’s very easy to imagine what they are going to do after the grand reveal when they decide to dual cultivate; the author even lays it out for us in the bonus stories after the series ends. They’re going to screw around, investigate weird mysteries, kill monsters, and have lots of sex. Fantastic!
If you can’t imagine a continuation of their story after that final “The End,” then you’ve got some work to do. You need to figure out how they’ll behave after the sparks simmer down and the monotony begins.
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There is desire.
Returning to Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian for a minute, let me demonstrate how much desire their story really has. There’s a live-action remake of Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation called The Untamed which, for censorship reasons, tried to nuke the romance element and make their relationship platonic.
But it simply did not work. Whether that’s because the series writers and actors were trying to keep it there, or because the story itself refuses that narrative, the desire between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian was painfully obvious even without any declaration.
Every soft touch, every long eye-lock, every time they grabbed one another’s hands during a fight scene, every time Lan Wangji caught Wei Wuxian in his arms, there’s chemistry. There’s desire. It just does not feel like two close friends.
You don’t have to have a sex scene to show this; in fact, sex scenes aren’t always romantic in the least. I have a scene in my fourth book, What Is Cannot Be Unwritten, where two characters get down to business before they try to assassinate one another. (Oh, Mordrek Willets, you wonderful bastard. I love you so much.)
What do you need, though? Here’s some suggestions:
There are lingering touches outside the bedroom. This may be things like holding hands, touching one another’s shoulder, resting a hand on the LI’s knee, wrapping an arm around them. It’s clear the two cannot keep their hands off one another.
Or, during the first stages of a relationship, the MC’s gaze frequently lingers on body parts they would want to touch, like hands, lips, cheek, or neck. (Try to avoid sexual body parts here for romance.)
MC and LI regularly lock eyes. They turn to one another first during a conversation, like other people don’t exist. Their bodies are oriented to one another even if they are not actually touching.
In an established relationship, the characters do non-sexual yet intimate things with one another that require extended contact. For example, they may help one another undress, perform personal hygiene tasks, lie close in bed together.
The characters remember things about one another that others would have forgotten, like something they mentioned years ago. They may compliment one another on silly things, like washing the dishes nicely.
Both notice things about one another that other people would completely ignore or gloss over. For example, they might notice the tilt of the LI’s jaw, how nice their ankles are, that there’s a very tiny mole on LI’s cheek.
MC admires and compliments things that others would not notice. Whether it’s a particularly graceful gait, the way they throw their head back when they laugh, how their eyes look when they stare at something they like, or terms they use frequently, it’s clear that the MC is studying everything about the LI.
All the LI’s attributes become beautiful, even things that society would consider “ugly.” This could be acne scars, crooked teeth, an asymmetrical face, a large forehead, pigeon feet, a pudgy stomach, and so on.
MC is not on their best behavior around the LI. They may stumble over their words, ramble, feel foolish. This happens even in long-term relationships.
I’ve read some sapphic novels where the two female characters feel more like besties than lovers, even if they kiss. This seems to have far more often in WLW stories than straight or MLM stories, probably because many non-sapphic authors have The Ick when it comes to lesbian relationships.
Even when they’re writing the damn thing. Come on, people.
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Something other than physical attraction keeps them together.
At the same time, we need to avoid having the “spark” be the entirety of the relationship.
This is a big reason why relationships fizzle out in the real world. You’re both young and hot and sexy, with passion through the roof, but then real life gets in the way. You get older, and you’re tired from a full-time job, and things just aren’t fun anymore. Maybe you have two kids, or one of you has a health problem, or you’re dealing with a lot of financial issues.
What’s going to hold the pair together when the LI no longer has that snatched waist and the MC has a few extra pounds? How are they going to handle it when sex is off the table for whatever reason?
You have quite a few options, such as:
- A shared vision for how the world should be
- Mutual respect and admiration for one another
- Finding comfort in one another when life is hard
- Similar goals (slaying demons, building businesses, solving world hunger, raising children, making the world a better place)
- Shared passions (hobbies, professions, social issues)
- “Us against the world” mindset, especially in thrillers or fantasies
- Complementary mindsets (agreeing on political issues, what a good life looks like, how to approach problems, whether to stay home or travel)
- Evenly matched temperaments (laid-back, go-getters, agreeable, accepting, passionate, peaceful)
- Mutual fascination (“you’re so weird, I learn more about you every day”)
And please, for the love of god, do not have a “stay together for the kids” arc if you’re trying to write a true romance. As someone whose parents should have gotten divorced before I reached the age of reason, I can promise you that there is nothing romantic about such a forced marriage.
Of course, it’s possible that one or both people may change professions, fall out of love with a hobby, or experience a dramatic shift in their perspectives. This brings out one of my favorite conflicts, where neither person is really wrong but circumstances have changed around them.
No one is the bad guy; there was no dramatic falling-out. However, they’ve grown distant through no fault of their own, and they have to decide whether there’s something else worth fighting for.
This provides richer conflict than simple miscommunication; it feels much realer and more complicated because both characters are sympathetic. Then you’ve got an excellent way to cause angst.
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Not all conflicts are MC vs. LI.
When the main couple is fighting all the time and everything centers around their differences, then we constantly wonder why the hell they have stuck together for so long. This is especially true if it’s problems that they themselves have created, either singly or together.
Of course, we need conflict or we don’t have a story. The conflict doesn’t need to be nuclear end-of-the-world level; most of the first half of the Eirenic Verses is low-stakes and about interpersonal problems. But it needs to be a reasonable problem, and it needs to be clear that a personality mismatch is not the entirety of the problem.
In 9 Years Yearning, most of the conflict is Man Versus Self. While Orrinir and Uileac do squabble, these issues are easily resolved.
They’re not really fighting with one another; they’re fighting with themselves. Both of them are terrified of screwing up what they have by trying to take it to the next level.
This push-pull leads to interpersonal conflict, but that conflict is based on the love they have for one another rather than that they kind of can’t stand to be around one another.
Many people have fallen in love with a close friend and know the agony of wanting more, yet also not being sure how the other person feels. As such, Uileac and Orrinir’s problems are relatable, even if they live in an entirely different world than our own.
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The MC cares about the LI for more than what they can provide.
As a lesbian exposed to straight couples more than I would like, I see this all the time when men are talking about their wives. You’ll see them write this supposedly “romantic” message to their wife, and it’ll be something like:
“Happy birthday to the mother of my children, my other half, my soulmate! You keep our family together through all your hard work and sacrifices. No one’s cooking can compare to yours, and I love that you’re always willing to lend a sympathetic ear or rub my feet after a hard day at Widget Technologies. And, of course, you have the body of a goddess and the stamina of a tiger 😉 Here’s to many more years of happy companionship and love!”
What in here was about anything other than what the wife gives to the man? Nothing. All of it was “I’m so glad you’re here to serve me and attend to all my needs, whether that’s physical, emotional, or sexual. You give me so much and therefore I love you, not unlike how I love my dog.”
If we were to fix this to be more than what the wife does for the husband, it might be something like this:
“Happy birthday to my beautiful wife, who inspires me every day with her resilience, patience, and compassion. You’re the funniest person I’ve ever met, and there’s nothing I love more than coming home after a hard day of work and listening to your hilarious stories. I adore that you’re so kind to our children and are teaching them to be independent thinkers.
“What I admire most about you is your sunny optimism and clever solutions to everyday problems, whether that’s making a crazy stew out of everything in the fridge or saving us a plumbing bill by figuring it out yourself. Your presence makes life fun because you’ve never lost that cheerful spark even when we’re struggling. Thank you for choosing me as your partner and the father of our children; I couldn’t be prouder to be yours.”
We could nitpick this all day and talk about how the man is self-serving, but there’s a major difference in these posts: the second one is all about her and what makes her special.
While the man does benefit from his wife’s work, it’s clear that he understands her on a deep level and appreciates the joy that she brings to his life. Even if they weren’t together, he would probably still like her as a person, though their relationship would obviously be very different.
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While it’s definitely easier to write a romance if you’ve been in a relationship yourself, you can still learn how to craft a great one by studying good love stories and practicing these tips. Romance doesn’t need to be the entirety of your book if you don’t want it to be, but it can add depth and emotion to your story.
And established relationships can be just as fascinating and powerful as the getting-together phase. With a little work, you can create an amazing love story that people will gush about for years.