Tag: feedback

Whenever you put your writing out into the world, you’re bound to get some dissenting opinions; it’s just the nature of exposing yourself to dozens, hundreds, or thousands of people.

But having a public meltdown about it, or arguing with the reader, simply will not do. We need to find a way to turn that negative into a positive so we can continue to grow as writers. Today, I’ll share some of my tips for how to put negative feedback in its proper place and not seethe over it – which is harder than you might think.

Walk away from it until you have a clearer head.

This goes for just about anything, frankly. Most people do not have the tranquil mind of a Buddhist monk, and so they’ll get triggered by criticism, even if it’s well-deserved. I get a bit agitated right upon seeing negative feedback; it’s natural.

So set the comments aside for now. Go do something else that demands all your attention, whether that’s reading a good book or playing with your pets. Once you feel calmer, you can return to the feedback and start sorting through it.

You’ll find that the more feedback you get, the easier you can let it go or not take it personally. If you have a big problem with getting defensive, this means you need more practice. Send your work out to more people, take your knocks, and start calming down.

Recognize that feedback is not (usually) a personal attack.

Let’s look at another field where you can’t take critique personally. I have been rock climbing for less than a year, so I still make mistakes from time to time, like short roping my climber when I’m lead belaying.

Short roping means that you don’t have enough slack in the rope. When you don’t give the climber enough slack, you’re basically tugging them down the wall – the exact opposite of what you want to do. This pull can also make it hard for them to clip in, and they could take an unintentional fall. A lot of newbie lead belayers make this mistake because it’s the opposite of top roping, where you want the rope nice and tight so the climber doesn’t fall.

Slack management is crucial in lead belaying, so I want and need people to tell me when I’m doing it wrong. Many times, I will have a more experienced belayer stand beside me and constantly critique my slack management: “That’s enough – no, less! More now! Quick! Fast feed! They’re clipping!”

It can be tiresome and frustrating to hear a constant barrage of critique, but I need that. I have someone else’s life in my hands. I cannot let my ego get in the way of safety.

And I don’t feel bad about being told I did something wrong. It says nothing about me as a human being, nor does it suggest I’m the worst belayer ever and should give up. In fact, the worst belayers I’ve ever seen are the ones who insist that they’re doing it perfectly – until their climber takes an unexpected fall and comes crashing down on top of them.

Likewise, people pointing out issues with your writing does not mean that you’re a horrible person or that you should never write again. They are trying to help you improve. Writing is much lower stakes than climbing, so you have even less reason to take critique personally.

Of course, some people are just jerks. They’ll call you stupid, say this is the worst thing they’ve ever read in their whole life (doubtful), and that you should do unspeakable things to yourself for daring to write.

This feedback is not helpful or actionable; it’s not even feedback at all. You can safely ignore these comments because they don’t help you grow.

Be grateful that someone cared enough to tell you.

Someone critiquing you means they have an investment in your success and want you to do better (or you paid them to help you).

If your work was utterly irredeemable, then they wouldn’t have said anything at all. They would have DNFed and walked away. Only a tiny minority of avid readers are compulsive reviewers who comment on every single book they read; most people don’t comment at all, especially for things they didn’t like.

I’ve come across tons of books so awful that I didn’t even feel the need to write a review. There was nothing I considered valuable enough to point out, or the author seemed kind of thin-skinned and would probably blow up at me about it. That’s the nightmare scenario you want to avoid.

Another bad scenario is when you give someone your work, and they go “I liked it!” and say nothing else whatsoever. They either said this to be polite or they didn’t have strong feelings about it. They, too, aren’t invested enough to offer feedback, which isn’t a great sign.

So the next time you receive criticism, know it’s a good thing. You got someone so passionate about your writing that they had to say something, even if it’s mean. Take their advice into consideration and see if there’s a way you can change their mind.

Sort the feedback into actionable and non-actionable sections.

It’s easy to think that a critique is completely worthless because they said something you didn’t like, but that’s not true. The reviewer may have been off-base on some things but spot-on for others, and there may be some excellent insights hidden in the poor packaging.

Plus, the majority of readers do not know how to give constructive criticism, which means they can’t figure out how to tell you what’s wrong in a helpful way. This isn’t their fault; it’s a skill you have to be taught. Regardless, they may have good points that you need to translate into something more useful.

So, once you’re done stewing, return to the feedback and consider how you can put it into action – or if you even want to.

For example, a reviewer once complained that Pride Before a Fall is too dense and hard to read, even though they liked the story and characters. This is mostly a style thing and not something I’m going to change for one reviewer, so the feedback isn’t actionable. My writing is already set at a 7th grade level; anything lower than that and it might turn into YA.

If they had said the plot was confusing, then that would be something I could keep in mind for my next book and try to clarify things more. If they suggested that the characters act unrealistically, then I could fix that too. Beyond that, I can’t satisfy one person by changing everything about my work.

Precise, clear feedback is going to be actionable, while “it’s bad” or “I didn’t like it” isn’t. If you can’t get a lesson from it, then you don’t need to worry about it.

You don’t need to integrate everyone’s feedback into your writing.

Even if you get actionable feedback, you’re under no obligation to use it if it doesn’t match what you’re trying to achieve.

If you have a bunch of beta readers and they’re all saying different things, then you’re going to have a nightmare on your hands. This is why I think you should limit your beta readers to three or four max, as you’ll otherwise get overwhelmed by the feedback.

I only use three maximum, but I have two beta readers I send every project to. If I still feel like the project is incomplete after I send it to them, then I’ll search out one more perspective.

Pick the advice that is most actionable and focus on that. Ignore feedback that seems like the reader is trying to change your story into exactly what they would want rather than trying to fix your story into a better version of itself.

Good, professional beta readers won’t do that, though. If you can afford it, then find a paid beta reader or editor. If not, work your way through a few free beta readers before you find one that works for you and ask them if they’d be willing to project swap with you going forward.

Don’t read reviews if they upset you.

Reviews are not really for you; they are for other readers. And other readers may have the same taste as the reviewer, which is why bad reviews are also helpful. In fact, they prevent more bad reviews, so you really do need some naysayers to ward people off a book they won’t like.

I do read my reviews because I am just too curious not to ignore them. This is a bad habit that I’ll hopefully get out of as my books gain more traction, but I’m not furious when I get a 3-star review. I recognize my writing will not resonate with every reader in the world. As such, I read them, consider them, decide whether there’s anything useful I can apply to my next project, and then leave it alone.

If you can’t let go of bad reviews or derive useful advice from them because it hurts too much, then don’t read them. Use Cold Turkey or another product to block yourself from going on Goodreads or your book’s page on Amazon.

Recognize that you cannot satisfy everyone.

Pick up any book you love and go to the Goodreads profile. No matter how breathtaking you thought this novel was, you’ll find plenty of others complaining that they didn’t like it.

There are plenty of books that people rave about but I don’t like; for example, I can’t stand Jane Eyre, even after I read it multiple times for my English degree. It’s just not my thing.

So, consider the density of your bad feedback or low scores. If everyone who comes across your book is giving it less than 3 stars, then you know you need to improve your writing skills.

Not everyone who reads your book should hate it if you are a technically competent writer who can create a logical plot. I say plot there because many times, readers can accept wooden, boring characters if you at least have an interesting story going on.

However, if you get a few 3-star or even 2-star reviews from time to time, then there’s nothing to worry about. That particular person wasn’t feeling it and chose to say so instead of DNFing without comment.

For reviews, know that some people are hard graders.

There are folks out there who just don’t give out five stars willy-nilly. They may love your work, but it’s missing one crucial element for them, and so they will knock off a star.

I have some reviewers who rhapsodize about my work but then give it only 4 stars. They don’t give any criticism, but they still give it just 4 stars because they have a personal grading system that they may not feel like explaining to me.

You can’t get mad about the star rating because every review is precious and helpful, even if it’s bad. In fact, people will trust a 4.5 rating with dozens of reviews far more than a 5 rating with just a handful of reviews. Consumers also realize that not everyone is going to like a product; if you have all 5 stars, it seems suspicious and suggests you may have paid for them.

Again, if you’re getting nothing but 3-star ratings and lower, and you know you’re not being systematically review bombed because someone doesn’t like you, then you have a problem.

Go back to the drawing board; get some professional advice or ask for help from a more experienced writer. Do more practice. You might be the kind of person who needs more than 1 million words before you’re ready to publish (I was).

If you are getting a mix of 5-star, 4-star, and 3-star reviews, then you are a-okay. Keep going and don’t let a few bad comments get in your way; you clearly have people who like what you’re doing. Direct your attention to pleasing your audience and continually improving your skills, putting negative feedback in its proper place without getting discouraged.

Ego is one of the most dangerous poisons for a writer.

Thinking you know everything and are absolutely perfect in every way will destroy your work.

I’m certainly not the best writer in the world even after doing this for over a decade; I already look back at work from 2022 and cringe at the mistakes I made. In a few years, I’ll look back at what I wrote today and go “damn, what the hell was I doing?”

That’s a good thing. I’m growing, taking advice into consideration, sharpening my approach. All the feedback I’ve received, good and bad, is what has gotten to me this to point, and it will take me even further.

A growth mindset – and gracefully accepting criticism – is what helps you thrive as a writer.