This was published on Tumblr on September 29, 2024.
Yes, I have redacted the username because I don’t want you to go harass said writer. Don’t do that.
Now, let’s look at how we can learn how NOT to market ourselves using this tweet.
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Stop trying to justify yourself.
Don’t bother telling me that it is a “purposeful stylistic decision” because frankly, I do not care about your stylistic decisions, same as no one cares about my stylistic decisions when reading my books. I care about how I engage with the work. Your feelings as an author do not matter to me, and I know they don’t matter to my own readers, either.
If you are constantly getting criticism for your prose being too dense, then that is a YOU problem. The market is telling you that your writing is unpopular because you’re making it too difficult for the average person. Instead of doubling down and insisting that you are right and special and perfect, listen to the criticisms you’re receiving.
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Do not talk down to readers.
If you condescendingly tell me that “it’s okay to look up words when you’re reading,” I am not going to read your books, even if I am perfectly capable of doing so. You have just told me that you think I’m an idiot. The last thing I need in my life is to be sneered at by an author whose product I have purchased.
I have a BA in British Literature and an MA in International Relations. To say that I am familiar with dense prose would be an understatement. Read some Robert O. Keohane and you, too, can hear your brain cells liquifying in real time.
And that’s fine, because not only is Robert O. Keohane a celebrated scholar of international relations, he is explaining complicated concepts that involve a lot of moving parts. Your fantasy book should not be so complicated that I need to take notes so I know what the hell is going on. (I have ranted about this before.)
I will suffer through this kind of prose if I am paying significant amounts of money to do so. I will not struggle through such prose if I am under no compulsion.
Unless your book is required reading in a class (highly unlikely), people are reading for enjoyment during their limited free time. It’s one thing to have a few funky words here and there that are clear through context cues, quite another to litter your books with so many weird words that I have to spend half my time hunting through a dictionary.
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Don’t try to tell people how to read.
You, as an author, do not get to tell readers how to read your books. That’s not your job. You don’t have the right to patronizingly tell people to “take it slow.” You provide a product, and then the readers take it from there and get to engage with it however they so choose.
Yes, I roll my eyes at TikTok girlies who say they skip long paragraphs or only read dialogue. I have the right to say I think this is stupid, but ultimately, I don’t get to tell them how to read.
If that’s how they want to engage with the product they have purchased, that is their right, same as I’m entitled to make bread in my rice cooker or turn my iron into a doorstop if I want to.
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Your readers don’t care about you, but you need to care about them.
You know those directors who have a clearly obvious fetish because they include that same thing in every single movie? Yeah, we laugh at them. We don’t think it’s cute and quirky, we think it’s weird and gross. If you’re forcing your reader to think about you constantly by interjecting your own opinions and needs into your work, it’s off-putting.
A good book does not force you to think about the author at all. You are absorbed in the story and forget that someone even created this because it feels real. It feels genuine.
Yes, it’s your handiwork, and your essence will be in it, but that should not be the primary focus.
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Stop letting your ego get in the way.
Your readers are not sitting there going “waow, so cool” when you churn out a 500-page screed of PhD dissertation prose to talk about two elves fucking. They’re probably thinking, “wow, this author is really far up their own ass.”
Then they have a few options:
Continue reading because they think it will make them cool and intellectual to finish a self-important screed about elves fucking
Put the book down because it’s annoying and they don’t care
Grit their teeth and keep going even though they hate it because they are a completionist
None of those bode well for your reputation as an author. Except maybe the first one, if you are attempting to appeal to an extremely limited audience of pretentious nerds.
If you are trying to sell a book for profit, then you need to know what people want from a book they purchase. Clearly, the author has faced complaints about the dense prose, and instead of realizing they have a market mismatch, they make it everyone else’s problem because their ego won’t let them change.
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The instant you feel the need to defend yourself against justified criticism, you have failed.
Of course, if someone misinterprets your work or uses it as their own soapbox – or attacks you as a person – then you are more than welcome to defend yourself.
But if you get worked up over someone complaining about your prose and condescendingly tell them that they need to just get good, you have failed as a writer. You’ve failed to tell a story people want to read because you just had to ensure everyone knew you’re super special and smart.
I’ve seen a lot of queer writers do this, sadly: get sucked into stupid drama because of their ego and then turn a bunch of people off.
This person writes books that are within my genre and interests, but they’ve just told me that if I want to read a book for idle pleasure and not devote all my brainpower to it, I’m not reading it correctly. So why should I give them money to spit in my face and tell me I’m an idiot? No thanks, not my kink.
I will tell you right now that you’re more than welcome to dislike my books. You can think the Eirenic Verses is the stupidest thing you’ve ever read if you want. You can say that on the internet for everyone to see.
In fact, I encourage you to. Leave a brutally honest review. All reviews are good reviews, as I have discussed before.
DNF it, tell your friends you didn’t like it. Whatever. I can’t control your thoughts and I can’t tell you how to read it.
That’s your right as a consumer. If I failed to tell a story you enjoy, that’s my fault.
Will it hurt my feelings? Sure. No one likes to be told they didn’t do a good job. I want you to like my work because I wrote it for people to enjoy. I made up these little guys and put them in a situation, hoping you’d experience a fraction of the happiness I feel when writing.
But ultimately, I know you don’t care about my feelings as the author. You care about your enjoyment of the work and your experience, as you should.
Don’t listen to authors who talk down to you and imply that you’re stupid if they write a book whose prose style you don’t like. They’re speaking from a place of ego, and that’s their problem, not yours.
This is said about nearly everything, but it’s especially true for self-publishing, one of the most crowded niches in the world. Such a marathon can be frustrating if you have high expectations or a low threshold for disappointment, but this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t self-publish at all.
Rather than discouraging you, I want you to be realistic, understand what you’re up against, and stay motivated despite the challenges you may face.
I, personally, see these downsides as inspiration to work harder. They also remind me that even if I don’t feel like I’m doing great, I’m doing much better than many others. I’m giving it my all even if I haven’t achieved worldwide fame.
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Expecting instant success is the fastest way to burnout.
In fact, expecting success at all will make you mad when it doesn’t show up. You hit “publish,” maybe crow about it on r/selfpublish, and expect the sales to roll in. But they don’t. Because no one knows to look for you, and there are millions of other titles for them to read, and they skip over you because they don’t recognize your name.
And they especially skip over you if you have a cheap Kindle Create cover that took you five minutes to make. I’m sure there are total gems sitting in those piles of auto-generated covers, but is anyone going to actually check them out? Probably not.
I get so frustrated with people who complain that pointing out these facts is pouring cold water on their dreams. “You’re just bitter because you haven’t been successful so you’re trying to drag the rest of us down! I’ll be different!”
Not at all. I want to succeed, and I want you to succeed too. However, success does not come from a place of delusion. True, lasting accomplishment is born of hard work over many years – and from understanding what you’re up against.
What I share here hasn’t discouraged me, and I hope it won’t discourage you either. In any business endeavor, we need to understand the market, identify the challenges, and pursue the opportunities. That doesn’t mean telling ourselves we’ll make it no matter what.
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You are competing with millions of titles, many of which have far larger budgets than you.
While data varies on exactly how many books are self-published every year, this estimate of 500,000 titles is the lowest one I have seen. Some say it is as high as 4 million. The reason for the disparity is that digital-only books don’t have traditional ISBNs that can be tracked and tabulated (my books don’t).
And then we have the tradpub books; there’s about 10,000 new titles by the Big 5 every year across all genres. While tradpub has pushed a lot of the work off on the authors nowadays, they do get the benefit of some marketing plans and access to physical bookstores. Most importantly, their books are given professional covers, which is one of the biggest expenses for self-published authors other than marketing.
These are just the new titles. Every reader has access to over 156 million books, some a few years old and some a few centuries old. Many, like those out of copyright, are free.
Why would they want to spend their hard-earned money on your book? The short answer is that they probably don’t want to.
If they’re looking for a literary masterpiece, they have access to the whole canon at a click. These books have been around for decades or centuries; readers already know they’re good because they’ve been told so.
Good books don’t have an expiration date, and the longer something has been out, the more of a reputation it has built up. Tradpub books from five years ago have hundreds of Goodreads reviews, so readers can decide for themselves whether these books are worth the higher expense.
Those wanting a simple popcorn read can dive into the thousands of freebie titles. These are usually terrible, but they are also fun and mind-numbing.
So, no matter how good you are, your book is already at the bottom of the pile for choice, based on both minimal (or no) reputation and the price point.
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Readers are automatically leery of self-published authors.
With a sea of self-published stuff, readers have come to understand that many of them … are bad. Just really bad.
You see this moreso in the nonfiction space. For a while, grindset money bros were obsessed with “low content books” that could be made within a few hours and contained pretty much no information at all. Now you have thousands or millions of these essentially worthless books floating around, often with relatively polished looking covers. Readers who have bought those and been disappointed are unwilling to get scammed again.
And with fiction, there are a lot of writers who could never hack it in traditional publishing, now armed with easy access to instant gratification. They just spend a bit of time formatting their book, buy a cover, and then slap it up on Amazon.
Spelling errors? Who cares; this is a work of genius. Beta readers? Never heard of ’em. Their opinions don’t matter because this author’s book is perfect in every way and anyone who disagrees is stupid.
These books could have been better if the author did their million words of practice, but they didn’t want to wait and struggle. They wanted the dopamine hit now now now. And then they put out a bad book, and no one wants to read it. If readers do try it, they quickly realize it’s awful, and now every other self-published book must be bad too.
With all this slop floating around, readers are going to scrutinize you even harder than a tradpub book because they know for a fact that many (I’d even argue most) self-published books are terrible.
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Artificial Intelligence is making it harder than ever to break through.
AI can generate a whole book in a few minutes, or a few days if the “writer” is prompting carefully to avoid plot holes and repeats. Still, that’s much faster than the months it takes me to finish a draft. Funeral of Hopes, my third book, took me three months just on the writing, not to mention the prepublishing stuff – and I’m considered a fast writer.
And now there are companies, like Spines (I refuse to link them) that are promising to speed this up even more. These trash mills are churning out hundreds or even thousands of books a year, flooding the market with stupid nonsense that some unwitting readers will purchase and hate.
Readers will realize that these things are garbage, and again, they will scrutinize real authors even harder, especially self-pubbed ones.
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Jackpot winners can drive you crazy … if you let them.
There are some self-published authors who have made the leap to tradpub and enjoyed wild success, and there are self-pub authors who continued self-publishing and enjoyed wild success.
These folks are incredibly talented, but they are also the outliers. Most self-published authors are grinding away because they like writing and the extra pocket money is nice.
Staring starry-eyed at these people is ignoring the sad reality of survivorship bias. We hear about those who made it big, ignoring that millions of other authors pinned all their hopes on their special book, only to be shot down and ignored.
Because why would we? That’s depressing. It’s nicer to daydream that we, too, will become famous, and then get viciously angry at those who remind us that these authors are the exception.
Reality isn’t always pleasant, but ignoring it won’t get us anywhere, either.
Many of these individuals had strong connections that helped them get noticed. If you’re plunking away at a keyboard all by yourself, you’re unlikely to hit it big because no one knows about you yet. Getting discovered out of nowhere is exceedingly rare.
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Thinking of self-publishing as a business helps quell your frustration.
I have been self-employed for about a decade now, and I have now incorporated my self-publishing into my business. So, the Eirenic Verses really is a business to me: legally, financially, and emotionally.
Everything I spend on the Eirenic Verses is taken as deductions on my taxes and counted as expenses. I don’t spend more than I can afford from my other income streams, and I put it aside when it’s time to work on my day job.
A lot of authors really chafe at the idea of making their book baby into a money-making machine. It’s offensive, they sniff, to believe that art can be commodified. That’s capitalist propaganda.
… Except that’s exactly what you’re doing by selling your books. You want to make money from it, right? Then you have to think of it like a product.
Most businesses, except those with angel capital or enormous backing, really struggle the first few years. The vast majority of restaurants go out of business within five years because they went broke. When you’re building something from the ground up, you need to expect that you’ll be in the red for a while; that’s just how it works.
This is another reason why I discourage you from quitting your job to be a full-time writer. Not only is it unrealistic, but you need that capital to build your business. Budget so you can use your day-job money as funds for your self-publishing.
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For most people, self-publishing is a side hustle.
The average self-published author makes about $1,000 a year. I don’t know whether that’s after expenses or not, but regardless, it’s not life-changing money.
Of course there are outliers. There are people who have quit their job and made this their full-time profession, which drags the averages up and makes it seem like the rest of us are doing better than we are. One of the reasons full-time authors can do that is because they do see it as a business and they understand the market.
If you want this to be your full-time job, you have to treat it like a full-time job. You need to learn marketing, and study the market, and identify opportunities, and make great products, and network, and all that.
But if you don’t want to do that, then you can’t expect it to become your full-time job. It’s a side hustle, and that’s okay. There’s absolutely nothing with that. You’re not a failure for only getting a bit of income from your work because, as I pointed out above, you’re really besieged on all sides here.
I do not like the business side of things, which isn’t really a good thing for a self-published author. Rather than beating my head against the wall, crying and wailing that I’m a failure, I recognize that my disinterest in marketing leads to less interest from the market, too. Novel writing is my ludicrously expensive hobby that makes me happy. I’m okay with that.
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Every sale is a success, and every review is a badge of honor.
Authors often get down on themselves because they refuse to acknowledge that they are highly disadvantaged in this market. Or, they get angry because they can’t see their books as products, and they don’t want anyone else to see them that way either.
But look. With all the depressing info I just gave you, isn’t it miraculous that anyone picked up your book? Isn’t it wonderful that someone took the time to leave you a review? Isn’t that such a gift?
You’re fighting against such major odds, so you must celebrate every success. One sale is amazing. Two sales are incredible. 250 sales does really mean you have beaten the odds, because the average self-published book never sells more than that. Ever. In its whole lifetime.
90% of self-published books never sell more than 100 copies. The vast majority sell none at all.
While 250 books isn’t breathtaking success, it does mean you’ve made something amazing that even a handful of people want to read. You’ve fought your way upstream, and maybe you didn’t get all the way to the outlet, but you did make it farther than a lot of other people. That’s wonderful.
Most importantly, though, you tried. A lot of people don’t ever bother to self-publish at all, much less market themselves.
So, if you’ve sold one singular book, you’re doing a fantastic job, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I’m proud of you.
Keep a clear head, smile at every sale, and remember that you have to keep going.
Previously, I discussed the significance of reviews from a reader perspective, but let’s talk about it from the author perspective too. We’ll review (haha) some practical advice for how to gain more reviews so that you’re all ready to go for your first or next novel.
I’m still working on these, so don’t assume that I have mastered the art of getting more reviews. However, this is what my research has dug up and what I am working on improving. As always, I am using my failures to boost your chances of success.
You’ll notice that a lot of the advice is about the period before and directly after release, which is the best time to start harvesting reviews. Once you get that momentum going, you’re more likely to get more reviews over time.
Obviously, you’ll get more reviews if people really like what you’re putting out. A breathtaking, amazing book is going to compel people to leave reviews. A ‘meh’ book isn’t going to get many.
Do not slapdash something up; take your time and ensure everything is absolutely perfect before you hit publish.
Learn writing, do your practice one million words, and commission a good cover so people are curious about your book before they decide to purchase. Your blurb is essential, so spend a fair bit of time refining it and getting second opinions.
Don’t just publish whenever. This is important because you want to ensure that you get reviews shortly after your release. I did not do this with 9 Years Yearning, and it struggled to get traction because I wasn’t advertising it to anyone.
Amazon boosts new releases for 30 days after publishing, and it will boost them more if you have some reviews right away; the algo assumes your book is good if it’s already attracting attention.
You should also plan your release date based on what the general public will be doing at that time. Writers Helping Writers has a good explanation of what will do well and when.
Do not release things, especially fiction, in December. It’s the worst month for book releases, as I personally learned. Ideally, get everything ready to go for November at the very latest.
I will be releasing my fourth book, What Is Cannot Be Unwritten, on November 7, 2025. If you want some sneak peeks at it, sign up for my Monday Missive newsletter!
I’ve also learned that April is a shitty month to publish. Everyone’s insanely busy in April, what with Spring Break and preparing for summer. Do March or May instead.
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However, be cautious with preorders.
I ran into this problem with Pride Before a Fall. See, I wasn’t aware that the preorder period is also the automatic 30-day boost period for Amazon. If you don’t get a bunch of preorders in that period, which is pretty challenging to do for a newer author, then you’ve wasted your boost period.
For Funeral of Hopes, I did a seven-day preorder. This isn’t necessarily because I expected a lot of preorders, but because I went through Draft2Digital and it sometimes takes a few days for books to get processed through the different channels.
So, how to get those insta-reviews right on release day. You can hope for some reviews from preorders, but these are not guaranteed. What you need is an Advanced Reader Copy (ARC) campaign.
ARC campaigns are when you send out a finished version of your book before its official release date. You can technically do an ARC campaign whenever you want, but it’s best if you do it ahead of time. There are plenty of platforms that help you do this, so don’t think you have to personally reach out to everyone you know and beg them to read it.
I use the Booksprout platform for my ARC campaigns, which is far more affordable than Netgalley and has a really easy dashboard.
Ensure that readers leave the review as soon as possible after release. They can leave reviews on Goodreads before publishing, but Amazon generally frowns upon reviews placed before the release date, so ensure readers know they shouldn’t do that.
Booksprout lets you put reviews on Goodreads before release day, which can build hype as long as the reader puts a disclaimer that they got the book through Booksprout.
If you are going through Kindle Select, you also shouldn’t enroll your book in Kindle Select before your review campaign is over because Amazon doesn’t allow you to publish e-books on other platforms when you have Kindle Select. As soon as your campaign is done, click that “enroll” button and you’re good to go.
Kindle Select does not allow wide distribution, and it does not work well for every genre. It’s primarily for romances and other light reads that people aren’t going to want to keep forever. So just keep that in mind.
If you’re just starting out, go for the most limited number of review slots, which is 25. You are very unlikely to fill up 50 whole slots with your first or second novel because you have not built up enough of a fanbase yet.
You can add people to your team if they seemed to like the book based on their review, and these folks will be notified when you open up another review campaign. This way, you can develop a group of dedicated reviewers rather than starting from zero every time.
Be sure to follow up with any readers who have not published their review shortly after getting the last reminder email. A politely worded message on Booksprout can usually get them to do it. Say something like, “Hello, I noticed you have not left your review on Amazon yet. Can you please complete this as soon as possible? Thank you!”
If they still ignore you, you can get a bit firmer and remind them that they have an obligation to do so if they want to continue to use the platform. This usually gets them motivated.
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Post about reviews.
As I mentioned in the first post about this topic, a lot of readers genuinely do not know that their reviews matter to anyone. They think it’s just a way for them to express themselves, particularly on Goodreads.
By explaining how important they are and offering your preemptive gratitude for their help, you may be able to get more reviews.
Whenever you ask for reviews, explain why you want them, and make sure it’s not about how it will make you feel good. Give a basic explanation of how algorithms work and how more reviews = more visibility. You can even just say “it really helps me out” and be done with it.
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Share the most positive reviews on your social media.
Be sure to remove the user’s name before you post. You also cannot use reviews in blurbs or covers unless you get the reviewer’s permission, but you can definitely screenshot and share them without asking because these are publicly available.
For example, here’s one of my favorite reviews of 9 Years Yearning from over on Goodreads:
Do not share negative reviews to dunk on them. This makes you look petty, defensive, and rude. Report them if you think they were a personal attack, but otherwise leave them alone.
If you can’t handle negative comments, you shouldn’t be publishing in the first place. Every author will catch a few strays from time to time. You need to learn how to handle these with grace – by simply ignoring them.
This is different from the advice that companies receive, which is to engage with negative reviews in an empathetic manner. That’s because companies are continually selling products and services to consumers, but you’re only selling one or two products. Engaging with the reader on this personal level is not going to help you and may make you seem creepy.
Keep this short and sweet. That little nudge can gain you at least a few reviews, especially as Kindle will prompt them after they finish the book.
Something simple like “If you enjoyed this, please consider reviewing on Amazon” can be a nice prompt. You can also include a link to your website (which you should have) to get readers invested in the next steps of your journey.
And that’s it! There’s plenty of other advice out there about how to solicit reviews and market more effectively. I hope this gave you a jumping-off point for the rest of your research.
This post was inspired by a post over on Tumblr that reminded me self-published authors are still getting scammed by unscrupulous companies.
This is an extremely frustrating experience that will, unfortunately, take much longer to fix than it would have if the individual had truly self-published; ie, done everything himself. He will have to fight with the “publisher” for control of his own files again: a headache that would have been avoided with a bit more discernment before signing on the dotted line.
So, let’s discuss some of the most common self-pub scams, then offer a few golden rules that will let you avoid them entirely.
For authors who do not want to deal with all the work of editing, formatting, designing, and marketing, vanity presses – or, their new iteration, self-publishing agencies – seem like a dream come true.
Now all you have to focus on is writing the best book you possibly can! Then, because they are taking care of all of that for your first book, you can start working on the next one!
Yes, it sounds like a dream come true because it is too good to be true. Such a thing does not exist in real life.
This scam predicates upon an author’s desire to be traditionally published, with all the perks that provides. But think about it for a good minute. You didn’t want to tradpub because you knew it would be difficult to get accepted. Maybe you got dozens of rejections because your writing wasn’t up to par or your specific approach isn’t perfectly aligned with the publisher’s desires.
Why, then, would you think that someone will let you bypass that grueling acceptance process while still enjoying the benefits of tradpub? Doesn’t make sense.
In traditional publishing, money flows to the author, not the other way around. Tradpub authors did not have to pay for anything other than whatever got their manuscript into peak form before they began querying.
As such, any publisher that starts telling you about their “packages” and services is scamming you. Full stop. The instant they start showing you pricing packages, leave.
Any service you use as a self-published author is going to be on a per-project basis, typically a different vendor for each element of the project. By that, I mean you will pay for everything separately: you pay your beta readers, then you pay your cover artist (who is almost certainly a different person) and so on.
And the pricing will be up front. On Fiverr, you can see exactly how much you will pay for each project before agreeing to anything. There won’t be any bait and switch because these are legitimate freelancers. Keep that in mind.
Now, I will say that if your career really takes off, you might need a publicist or PR rep. But that’s extremely unlikely when you just start out. There’s not much to sell if you’ve just published one singular book, and most self-pub authors go their whole career without needing PR management because, well, they’re not famous.
What is a publicist going to do for a newly hatched selfpub author? Nothing, really. Maybe fob you off to one of their friends who runs a podcast that five people follow, and you’ll probably have to pay that person too.
The “agent” one is particularly ridiculous because the whole point of a literary agent is to serve as a gatekeeper to traditional publishing, pitching your book to different publishers and imprints. You’re not doing that in self-publishing, so why would you need an agent? You won’t. The agent isn’t doing a damn thing for you.
At the very most, they’ll find contests for you to enter that you will then have to sign up for yourself. You could have found those on your own without paying for anything.
Again, these scammers are using the lingo and trappings of traditional publishing to trick self-published authors into thinking they can achieve that same level of attention without all the annoying elements of querying. Doesn’t work like that.
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Paying for Guest Appearanceson Podcasts and Other Media Events
I completely understand how you might think this is a good idea to get more exposure. Plus, things like podcasts let people get to know you on a personal level, making them more likely to purchase your book.
But the thing is that actual legitimate podcasts do not ask you to pay them. That is because you are providing them with free content, and your presence is supposed to entice people into listening/watching/reading. In short, you are the product being sold. Some very well-known authors even get paid to be on podcasts or appear at conventions.
If you do ever get a podcast request, dig into it. Most of the time, these are very small, very unsuccessful podcasts that get minimal engagement. You’re essentially paying them to produce something that no one is going to listen to.
There’s nothing wrong with appearing on small podcasts, of course. You might find a buyer or two, and you can now link this podcast on your own social media or website for more attention. But they should never ask you to pay them for the pleasure of working with them.
Marketing seems like a mysterious and difficult endeavor – and it is. I talk a lot about my marketing woes here, but I am pretty informed about what it requires.
And it does not require a $200+ marketing course.
Anything you need to know can be found online for free, such as David Gaughran’s amazing course, or in an affordable marketing book that costs like $20. You can also read articles by professionals in any marketing magazine, read SEO journals or blogs, and watch YouTube videos on marketing.
There is no need to sign up for a paid course – unless you are doing one through an accredited college. Many community colleges offer affordable tuition for their business courses, and this can give you a much more in-depth look at marketing than any scammy course online.
You’ll also learn how to run your self-publishing business and keep a handle on your expenses, which is very helpful if you have low financial literacy (as I do).
Anyway, the aggravating thing about these dumb marketing classes is you still have to do all the work. But now you’re out money that could have been spent on legitimate marketing tools.
First off, never pay for reviews on Amazon or another other publishing platform. It will get you banned and you will not be able to self-publish anymore unless Amazon takes pity on you and unbans you.
What I’m talking about here are reviews of your book that are hosted on a separate website, typically the reviewer’s own website. The reviewer will fawn over you, hailing you as a book messiah, and never mention anything negative about the work. Scrolling through the reviewer’s website, you’ll see that absolutely everything gets five stars, even if you’ve read the book and found it to be shit.
I mean, of course they would. They want you to use their services again! So you will never get anything other than the effusive praise.
While this is flattering, remember that you paid for someone to blow sunshine up your butthole and tell you that you’re the best writer ever. It feels good but doesn’t do much for you professionally.
Here’s the caveat. If you are reviewed by an established reviewer who has exceptional marketing skills, this review can improve your SEO rankings. This is especially helpful for getting into Google’s Gemini AI overview. We can bitch all we want about AI, and I agree with your complaints, but the average person looks at the overview and doesn’t click anything else. If you show up in that overview, people will know to look for you.
So, if SEO is something you are really gunning for, then you can purchase reviews. Just know that they will improve visibility but not necessarily sales.
And please go for a cheap one. Do not spend $200 or $300 on a paid review. It’s not going to have a strong enough return on investment to warrant the service, and you could have pushed up your own SEO through sustained effort.
I mentioned in a previous post that you do need to save up for self-publishing expenses, so you might assume I’m suggesting you pay for any of these services. Absolutely not. But self-publishing the right way – the way that will make for an attractive book – is an expensive endeavor, as you have to do all your own marketing.
Here is what you can and should look into so that you have a great publishing experience:
Beta readers and editors. Choose one with good reviews on your service platform of choice, or ask other authors for recommendations.
Cover artists. Check their profiles to see if their art style is consistent; otherwise, they might just be prompting for book covers on an AI image generator or stealing someone else’s work.
Editing software or writing platforms like Sensory Readable (for reading your work aloud), Scrivener, Ellipsis, etc.
Website hosting services like WordPress.
Photo and video editing services like Canva Pro.
ARC campaign platforms like Booksprout, Book Sirens, and so on. Don’t go for Netgalley, though; it’s too expensive for your needs.
SEO research tools and platforms like Semrush and Ahrefs, or book keyword research tools like Publisher Rocket. Though you will typically not need these when you are just starting out.
Reasonably priced marketing books (under $25), or college courses on marketing. Again, there are a lot of free resources out there, so look around first before you jump to buy.
I do understand why people fall for these things. Self-publishing is a lot of work and requires careful orchestration of each part.
Not everyone who gets fleeced is a loser or idiot; they likely are overwhelmed by the amount of work required or have other obligations that make it hard to manage everything. Or they are naive young writers who see stars in their eyes when people offer them instant success.
But alas, there is no such thing as instant success; otherwise, we’d all be wildly successful and it wouldn’t mean anything anymore. So heed this advice:
Spend as little money as possible on your first book while still creating a good product. Beta readers, cover artists, and ARC platforms should be your only expenses other than things like editing software.
Any company that offers “full self-publishing services” is scamming. Self-publishing does not work like that. You have to coordinate all of it yourself.
There is no package deal service for self-publishing that isn’t a scam. In self-publishing, you have to revise and format your work, find a cover artist, write a blurb, and market, and all those other things.
Any time you find a company offering something, Google their company name with “scam.” Other authors will likely have complained about the company before, and you can decide for yourself whether their complaints are valid.
Any expense above $250 to $300, for any service, should make you squint your eyes and second guess. That includes cover artists. You really don’t need a $2,000 cover in most cases.
You can pay for others to do things for you, like cover art or ad campaign management, but you should have full control over the vendor you use because you chose them yourself.
Search for vendors on well-established freelance platforms like Fiverr. This provides a better dispute resolution process and you are more likely to be refunded for an unsatisfactory experience. Don’t use independent platforms, such as paying the person directly; then they can take your money and run.
You should always, always be in control of the final steps to publishing on any platform, whether that’s KDP or Draft2Digital. You should always be the one uploading the files, inputting the blurb, choosing the categories and keywords, and choosing pricing.
If a company specifically reaches out to you, not the other way around, it is likely a scam, or they are selling services you probably do not need.
Legitimate agencies will never ask you to pay for inclusion on their podcast or other platforms. You are the marketing tool to get people interested in their content. So it’s very unlikely you will be legitimately requested for a podcast until far later in your career.
When paying for reviews, check out their previous work and decide for yourself whether you’re willing to throw this money away for higher search engine rankings.
Self-publishing requires sustained effort over many years to reap rewards. Whatever timeline you are thinking for recouping your losses, double or triple it. And in general, you won’t break even unless you continue to produce more books, as each one will help to market the others.
Remember that you will continue to work on the books long after they are published; you’re working to market them now. There is no such thing as “set it and forget it” when it comes to self-publishing – at least, not if you want to make money. It is not a passive income machine but a long-standing side gig that you will require your attention every week.
Keeping this mindset will help you think in the long term and avoid scams that are attempting to sell you a dream of infinite money with minimal work.
While not every feast or festival shows up in the Eirenic Verses, this additional lore may be of interest to some readers, offering a deeper look into the country’s history and traditions.
Don’t worry – there’s no test, nor is this essential reading.
Feast days are typically more religious, spiritually oriented days, while other events are commemorations or seasonally related holidays.
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Newest Moon
Late winter
As Breme follows a lunar calendar, the first new moon after the last 12 new moons is considered the beginning of the next year. Bremish families will head out to watch the moon rise with warm drinks in hand. They’ll also write wishes on mulberry lanterns and release them into the sky.
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Burning Day
Early spring
A solemn day in early spring, commemorating a tragic Sinan raid. Many small farming communities were razed, their children orphaned – including Uileac Korviridiand his little sister Cerie. Those who lost loved ones will return to their graves and offer blessings. Burning Day is still remembered and honored even decades later.
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Rainbreak
Mid spring
Tremendous storms pelt Breme shortly after Burning Day, making it almost impossible to travel anywhere. High Poets bolster buildings to ensure they don’t flood and offer ceremonial offerings to Poesy, protecting the Bremish from major danger. Most stay indoors and make gifts for their loved ones.
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Calling of the Crops
Late spring
Primarily practiced in the agrarian areas, this festival encourages produce to grow through High Poetry presentations. In addition to blessings and custom-crafted poetry, celebrants will whisper wishes to their newly seeded crops, explaining their necessity and encouraging them to help their masters.
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Wildflower Festival
Late spring
After Rainbreak, the steppes erupt in dramatic flower displays which demand attention from anyone who sees them. Those lucky enough to have some time off will head off to the wildflower fields with picnics, sketching pictures of the flowers or pressing them for later enjoyment. Gifts are often made of these.
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Feast of the Nomad
Early summer
The Bremish tribes are setting up their summer camps at this point, and the settled Bremish honor their heritage with the festival most sacred to Saint Luridalr. Some tribespeople will visit the settlements to perform traditional dances, compete in feats of strength, and show off their horsemanship in carefully coordinated displays.
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Honey Hunt
Mid-summer
It is said that the honey collected near midsummer is the purest and sweetest. People will go and visit local hives to gather honey – some of which is hallucinogenic. Generally a tiny taste will show whether it’s psychoactive, so one must be careful not to imbibe too much lest they be find themselves getting much too close to the All Fallen.
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Feast of Saint Mermina
Late summer
Saint Mermina saved Breme from a major drought on the Great Gold River, so this festival is celebrated by tossing flower votives of her from Mermina’s Bridge in Bewerian. Brave swimmers will dive into the current, hoping to catch one for good luck. The votives are then dried and hung up in their homes.
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Feast of the Horse
Mid autumn
Horses have been essential to Breme for centuries, so it is no wonder that they have an entire festival dedicated to them. In addition to a military parade and a High Poet recitation, celebrants can expect mounted archery competitions, horse racing, and other showmanship – and horse-shaped sugar sticks.
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Feast of All Fallen
Late autumn
A solemn occasion, this is meant to honor the Bremish dead, who are called the All Fallen; their souls are believed to sleep in a cave deep under the Rimuk Mountains until Poesy rewrites the world. People visit graves of loved ones and offer wine, food, incense, and small mementos, aware that these will be washed away by the coming snow.
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First Snow
Early winter
Like in many harsh climates, the first snow of the year is considered something to fear: a time to check one’s larders, ensure that they have enough stored, and ask neighbors for anything one might have missed. To brighten the mood, many will light fires, drink hot cider, and entertain themselves with stories.
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Snow Lights Festival
Midwinter
To cheer up the winter, the Bremish create mulberry paper lanterns to hang from their eeves and will go “questing,” where they challenge homeowners with poetry couplets. Those who beat the homeowner get a warm drink, while those who fail must offer a cookie, roll, or other small trinket. Giftgiving is also common.
I have a secret weapon when it comes to marketing: my day job revolves around search engine optimization. Essentially, I get paid to learn how to boost visibility for products, which of course helps me personally.
Since I already get paid to do this, I do not need you to pay me. I’m not going to release an expensive course or a book like many other authors. Rather, I will give you a general overview so that you know what to look up elsewhere.
First, let’s look at the bad news so you know what you’re up against.
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The average self-published, digital-only book sells just 250 copies over its lifetime.
90% of self-pubbed books never sell more than 100 copies.
Many don’t sell any. At all. Ever.
For full disclosure, I sold 485 copies of my first book, 9 Years Yearning, between June 2024 and July 2025. Definitely not best seller numbers, but better than the lifetime estimate of 250 books.
So now that I’ve shown that I beat the odds (modestly though it may be), let’s talk about why others don’t get the same numbers.
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Self-pubbed books don’t sell well for several reasons.
Firstly, a lot of self-published books suck. There’s no getting around that. And consumers know that many self-published books suck, so they’re leery of purchasing them at all.
A lot of authors do not want to spend any money making a good product, but you’ve gotta. Self-publishing is a business, and every business has expenses. The typical business spends about 10% of its budget just on marketing.
I know it’s not what you want to hear. After all, KDP is free, right? Yeah, technically.
Getting attention on Amazon or other book publishing platforms is not free, though. You’re competing with millions of other books, including tradpub ones with a much bigger budget. So you have to splash some cash, but you’ve got to do it strategically.
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Don’t use paid advertising for your first two books.
There are some people out there that insist you should never, ever buy ads, for any reason. They believe these companies are exploiting starry-eyed authors to make money without actually pushing their product at all.
While I am pretty anti-giant-companies in the first place, I do not think this is necessarily true. Rather, I believe that too many authors and artists jump the gun on advertising because they want instant success, and then they start spending way too much of their budget on advertising in hopes that it will help them gain traction.
The writing business doesn’t work that way, and here’s why. You need to have a catalog of books to sell so that you make more money per click.
Let’s say two authors have the exact same advertising budget, but Author A has only one book available and Author B has a five-part series.
Author A advertises their one book and gets one sale per 10 clicks. That’s a pretty impressive ratio! But they’re still only making one sale per 10 clicks.
Author B advertises the first book in their series. Like Author A, they get one sale per 10 clicks. But that one sale, assuming the rest of their series is good, turns into five sales. In short, they actually got five sales per 10 clicks as opposed to Author A.
If you’ve poked around Amazon ads already, you’ll notice that you have to put in bids for each term you use. Because Author A can only get one sale, they have to bid low for every term, making them less likely to be seen at all. On the other hand, Author B can make up to five sales per click. They can bid higher because their profit margin is higher, and they will beat out Author A every time.
I didn’t start messing around with ads until I released my third book, Funeral of Hopes. I then paid a marketing company to set up my Amazon ads for my first book, 9 Years Yearning, for about $100. I didn’t set up ads for any of the other books – just the first one, relying on readthrough rates. It takes time to start getting sales from ads, but I did get a few sales on the very first day, which tells me that the ads are working and I just need to be patient.
Also, it’s better not to use free promos until you have a second book out that readers can jump to. Otherwise you’re just giving stuff away and not getting any benefit from it because people won’t remember to check for you when you release the second one. I didn’t do free promos until I had Pride Before a Fall available for preorder, and I did get some sales that way.
When you’re first starting out, your primary goal is to build out your catalog and organically grow your readership. Self-pub books don’t gain traction immediately, and this is normal. Just like any business, it takes a while to start making a profit. Keep your head down, make a good product, and things will grow over time.
Remember, you are competing with thousands of other books, most of which will have professional covers. We all claim that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but that’s exactly what people do.
The Kindle freebie covers are not enough. Frankly, they are ugly. They scream unprofessional, and they will make people assume that your work isn’t very good. That is not a fair assumption in many cases, but it’s what people think. Reality doesn’t care whether we agree with it or not.
There are plenty of great artists out there who can bring your vision to life. Fiverr has tons of lovely designers; mine is Katarina, and she will be working with me throughout the series. But there are other places, so do your research before spending any money. I’m likely going to use a different cover artist for the paperbacks when I make those, just so that readers have a reason to want the print version.
Now, it’s possible to find free beta readers, but ultimately, you get what you pay for. Beta readers are essential to ensuring that your product will captivate readers; you can’t skimp on it.
Some beta readers will just tell you that your work is great because they want you to leave a nice review. While we all love a good ego boost, this isn’t helpful.
Tell them precisely what you want them to focus on, like characterization, plot, continuity, emotional resonance, worldbuilding, tension, or structure so that they know what you want them to focus on. Ask direct questions, such as, “I want to be sure I’m not being melodramatic,” or, “I want to know whether the plot makes sense.”
If you have a very particular section you need help on, call that out. Also tell them whether you don’t want help with things like grammar or syntax.
Not only does this allow for more focused feedback, it also signals that you’re serious about receiving constructive criticism rather than looking for a pat on the back.
I provide a list of my beta readers and other vendors on my Resources page if you’re looking for quality services.
Humans are visual creatures. Even readers, famously known for liking words, will gravitate toward visual content. As such, good graphics are your friends and can do more for you than paid ads.
If you purchase cover art, it’s pretty easy to make hundreds of different images by turning it into a PNG, removing the background, and combining it with something else.
As you have probably noticed, I like to use Unsplash pictures and add text with Canva for quick and easy new images. You can even make GIFs by animating the letters or pictures.
I’m particularly proud of this advertisement for Pride Before a Fall because I think it’s really funny.
Canva also has preset templates for different social media platforms, booklets, business cards, flyers, and much more; you can even get them professionally printed right from the site. This is great if you want to do in-person advertising later.
I am still working on the graphics element of advertising, studying what makes a good graphic and refining my approach. This, too, is normal; it’s not like we were all automatically taught what to do when we wrote a book. Again, keep your head down and keep going. You’ll improve over time.
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Focus on just a few platforms for marketing.
If you don’t like a platform, don’t use it. You may miss out on some potential sales, but ultimately, it’s very hard to build a following from the ground up on every single platform; your readers don’t want to follow you everywhere.
I enjoy writing on WordPress because I like sharing what I’ve learned over 15 years of working on my craft. It’s a marketing tool, but it also makes me happy, so it’s a good use of my time.
Ultimately, we want to spend as much time as possible doing things that feel good, because that passion shines through in our efforts and makes people want to engage with us.
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Offer something of value to your readers before they buy anything.
In the SEO world, content is king. Identifying high-value keywords and integrating them naturally into your content builds your authority while boosting your visibility.
This is one of the easiest things for authors. After all, the whole point of writing books is to communicate something to our readers.
Most importantly, it develops a personal connection with your reader so they want to support you – and tell others about your work. Because you have provided them with something useful, they are more inclined to purchase; it’s the “free sample” method. I’m always so happy when someone links my articles, as it shows I’m helping them.
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Build your online presence through a website or newsletter.
Social media is ephemeral. People see your post, move on, and don’t think about you again. It’s difficult to create a good internal navigation system because those platforms aren’t build for that.
Again, that’s why I like WordPress. (I promise that nothing I mention here is sponsored; I’m genuinely happy with these products.)
I can make pages that are always available and easy to find, and then I can make posts that are curated on the blog page. Categorization makes it simple for readers to find things that are only about one topic, while tags help draw in more people.
Having a large content catalog is critical for SEO, as is good internal linking, and WordPress helps with that.
Yes, WordPress does require a subscription if you want all the goodies, but it’s a better use of your budget than advertising because your content stays organized and available. Paid ads require constant purchases, while WordPress only requires a purchase once a year.
The Rule of Seven in advertising is that a potential buyer must see your call to action seven times before they are willing to convert (ie, buy your product). The more exposure you can receive, the more times your message is seen, and the more likely that someone will get intrigued by your work.
As such, you must put consistent effort into your advertising. Pick a specific platform, develop a content calendar, and stick with it.
WordPress is great because you can schedule posts months or even years in advance, making it much easier to stay connected with your audience. Just as with advertising your books, build up a backlog of material and schedule it to publish on certain days.
You also need to create a consistent niche rather than blogging about anything and everything. If you make one post about gardening and someone gets excited about it, they’ll expect more of that content and grow frustrated if they see you blogging about other random stuff.
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What to spend money on as a beginner author
The golden question: how to use your limited funds for maximum benefit. Here are my recommendations.
Cover artists and designers.
Beta readers and editors.
Writing aids like books, programs, etc.
WordPress domain or other website provider.
Canva subscription.
ARC platforms like BookSprout, which we’ll discuss elsewhere.
You also need to know what not to spend money on. Here’s what I think.
Meta or Amazon ads (at least at first).
An “agent.” This should be a duh, but you’d be surprised how many people get duped into paying for an agent when they intend to self-publish. Real tradpub agents don’t ask for money from their clients because they are paid through commissions instead.
Any vanity press or company that promises to help you publish your book. Kindle Create is completely free and can help you distribute through other channels like Draft2Digital or Ingram Spark if you so choose.
Influencer posts. They are helpful for showing up on search results, but remember that you should spend as little as possible on marketing for your first few books.
Marketing services like social media management or SEO agencies, though you can certainly use these later on in your career.
Marketing courses or books. You can learn nearly everything you need to know from free resources. David Gaughran has a free, very extensive course; much of what I offer here is derived from his advice.
NetGalley, which is an ARC platform geared toward publishing houses. Way too expensive for your needs.
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Self-publishing takes a lot of work, but it is also very rewarding.
Writing and marketing is exhausting, especially in addition to my full-time freelancing job, but I am happy to do it because I love the Eirenic Verses and sharing advice with people. I’m losing money, but that’s okay. Making something I care about is worth all the struggle, the sleep deprivation, and everything else. Over time, I’ll recoup my losses and get into the black.
Your life may look different from mine; you might have kids, an ailing parent, a stressful job, or other commitments. That’s alright! I’m not judging you if you can’t throw everything at your book business.
Take care of your real life first before you worry about marketing. Your well-being, and that of anyone who depends on you, should always be your top priority.
So, you’re not required to spend as much time as I do on writing/marketing, but you will have to devote a lot of energy and money to get good results. You may take a longer time to build traction, which is totally fine. Chip away at it one day at a time.
I hope you’ll decide it’s worth it. People deserve to hear about your books, and you deserve that self-satisfaction.
Generative AI will steal your job if you let it. By that, I mean that you’ll be drowned out by boring, confusing garbage if you do not develop your own unique voice.
I do not think that people will ever stop wanting original fiction, but as generative AI strengthens its capabilities, indiscriminate readers will be unable to differentiate the middling author from the stupid plagiarism machine.
So you need to create a unique writing style, which can be pretty challenging. The first step is to read widely and incorporate anything you like into your writing for a while, like a literary hermit crab. Then, as you continue to grow in confidence and capability, you’ll learn how to blend these together into something wholly your own.
What I provide here is simply a guide about what AI does regularly, not a bible for developing your voice. Hopefully, this can help you understand how to outcompete AI in fiction writing so that people want to read your work, not generative slop.
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Write longer pieces.
Most generative AI has a problem with maintaining a consistent plot over more than a few thousand words. These programs have short attention spans and will invariably begin to repeat themselves.
While some clever AI “writers” will double-check their “work” and ensure everything flows naturally, a lot of others will ignore these problems and publish the slop just as it is. This, of course, annoys readers who have a longer attention span than a gnat.
Writing a longer piece with AI is honestly more work than most lazy “writers” want to do because they’ll have to prompt the program over and over again, reminding it of the plot at regular intervals. So, you’re in luck if you actually like writing, because you can easily create a 100+ page work without constantly repeating yourself.
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Include controversial content.
If you’re writing for an adult audience, it is okay – encouraged, even – to include violence, drugs, explicatives, and sex. Don’t have these in children’s books, obviously.
AI is curated to satisfy advertisers, not the general public, so they have strict moderation to avoid certain topics. If you ask AI to give you a bomb-making recipe, it won’t. Request a graphic torture scene, and you’ll get a hard no. Even things like contentious political arguments will get shut down because, again, advertisers don’t want to court controversy.
So, AI content is generally fluffy, happy-go-lucky bullshit. Any conflict gets solved through the power of love and friendship, and any difficult subjects are endlessly justified or contextualized for the audience like we’re all idiots.
Simply think about what would piss off a big company and you’re likely to have something good on your hands. A few swear words here and there can make a difference in whether your work reads like AI or not.
Of course, you don’t have to include these things if you don’t want to. However, writing thoughtfully about icky topics will demonstrate, without a shadow of a doubt, that a human was at least partially responsible for this piece’s creation.
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Develop unusual plot twists.
Always remember that AI does not think like a human; it cannot create unique plot twists because it just follows standard formats. As such, things we would consider a natural if unexpected turn would never occur to AI.
For example, if the so-called “writer” tells AI to write a story about heroes defeating dragons, it would never do something like, say, the heroes defeating the dragon by luring it out during a pounding rainstorm so it can’t use fireball attacks, then using a crowbar to pry off a few scales.
That, to AI, would be too absurd to fathom, even though humans could easily see that happening. Put your creativity to work, identifying ways to seamlessly connect different scenes into an overarching narrative.
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Make logical leaps.
Because AI cannot think like a person, it cannot spontaneously connect two disparate concepts to make a novel thought. You see this often in third-person limited, where the “inner thoughts” will just be the most surface-level conclusion.
For literature, these logical leaps will often come in the form of unusual metaphors or similes. One of my favorite examples that I’ve written came from a fanfic I wrote, where the MC compares a burning castle to the decomposition process:
There is something organic about the way this place decays, like watching an animal decompose. First it puckers at the edifice, turning ash grey instead of bone white; its teal roof tiles blister and pop and shed. The gold ornaments on its eaves seem to protrude further out as the wood holding them slivers away, and Ichigo remembers Yagen telling him that people used to believe that hair and nails grow after death because the skin shrinks back. So like a living being, this castle – the changes that come to all things as they fade away.
This is part of the reason that writers need to read nonfiction as well as fiction. By gathering unique factoids, you can make logical leaps between unrelated ideas to create interesting parallels.
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Avoid cliches (like the plague).
Because generative AI has been trained on thousands of books, most of which include the same cliches, it relentlessly regurgitates these throughout any of its responses. As such, avoiding cliched terms like “his heart dropped” or “his throat tightened” can make your work more interesting and less robotic.
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Utilize subtext.
AI cannot do subtext. Everyone alway says exactly what they mean. There are no subtle gestures that overshadow a character’s spoken words, no hidden symbolism in clothing or room layout, no deep themes that are quietly repeated throughout a text.
You can outpace AI by simply thinking harder (because AI doesn’t think at all). Figure out what different elements of your story really mean; allow characters to contradict themselves in action versus speech.
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Craft interesting descriptions.
Because AI does not imagine things, it cannot visualize new settings or get too precise with its descriptions. So, no matter what TikTok girlies may think, description is truly the key to success in a post-AI world.
Get intensely visual. Point out unique items in a room that have hidden meanings, or rhapsodize about the sunset over the prairie. Bonus points if these all contribute to the overall symbolism and subtly impact the overall mood.
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Cut out any purple prose.
AI loves to go way overboard with the melodrama when you tell it to write fiction. It will provide long, weird, dramatic sentences that read like they were lifted from a hideous Victorian flop.
As I’ve said before, elegance isn’t automatically purple prose. If you balance short, straightforward sentence with more flowing, symbolic ones, you can keep your work from sounding maudlin like AI.
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Remove double explanations.
When writing fiction, AI tends to use very similar sentence structures every time. This is especially noticeable in the fact that it will have an independent clause, then a dependant clause that essentially repeat the premise of the independent clause.
For example, it might say “She smiled with ruthless intent, a sign of her cold and contemptuous nature.” We really didn’t need the dependent clause because it doesn’t offer anything new.
AI always has similar sentence lengths, too, usually about a line and a half. This makes the story feel boring and repetitive, even when it’s not repeating itself.
Using different sentence structures and lengths will spice up your writing, putting you leagues ahead of AI.
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Create ambiguous endings without a clear “wrap-up.”
AI loves to wrap a story up with some moral or overarching theme, probably because it was trained on thousands of stupid essays where the writer had to summarize everything at the end.
Remember that AI was primarily trained not to do creative writing, but to summarize and explain things to an audience, like what you see with Google’s AI search function. As such, it will always try to do this even when the format doesn’t require it.
You do not need this. Readers can figure out for themselves what your story meant. Keeping things ambiguous makes your reader figure things out for themselves, which AI does not want them to do.
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Break writing rules – within reason.
As I’ve mentioned previously, writing rules are not set in stone. They are training wheels that are meant to help you develop good writing habits while leaving room for experimentation.
Artificial Intelligence does not understand this, so it will ruthlessly adhere to common writing standards. While this makes for technically proficient prose, it also makes AI writing sound wooden and lame.
So play around a little. Add a small section of present tense prose into a primarily past-tense novel. Do a run-on sentence, or even a run-on paragraph. Insert different writing formats, like an email or meeting notes, to summarize something.
Contained selections of rule-breaking prose will not usually annoy your reader; it’s when you do an entire gimmicky piece where people click off. Create a good balance between “normal,” standard writing and something a bit more experimental.
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Blend writing eras and styles.
This one is more challenging, which is why I have left it for last. Basically, AI will only write in one certain style depending on what you ask. It cannot and will not play around with different tones.
I developed my unique style by dint of being an American who read a lot of British literature as a child and young adult. My voice is a mix of modern and Victorian, which makes it stand out in today’s world. I phrase things differently from both American and British authors since I was surrounded by stuffy pretentious manor novels at a formative age.
This tonal shift is subtle and difficult to articulate, but it’s undoubtly present. Some of this comes down to terminology, like “succor,” which was very common in Victorian-age and earlier Brit lit. In fact, since I learned this term from novels, I didn’t even realize that the American spelling doesn’t include the “u.”
Other things that are apparent in my novels are elements like the word “mustn’t,” or the phrase “would that I,” and so on. These work well for fantasy novels, where it’s expected that people will speak in a more old-world style.
I’m also a business and SEO writer with an International Relations degree, so my work often has a more formal tone than one might see in other fantasy novels. That’s what I’m accustomed to, and it bleeds through into my fiction.
But AI doesn’t do that. It cannot adopt a formal tone in, say, a fantasy novel; it will go off into this melodramatic purple prose. Similarly, it won’t use a freewheeling, casual voice for a thriller because to AI, that’s just not what’s done.
To mix eras and writing styles, read widely, as I mentioned before. If you have been reading modern literature, focus on older lit. If you mostly read American or European stuff, branch out to Asian or Middle Eastern translations. There will be so many differences that you’ll start to pick up, like terms of endearment, phraseology, and so on.
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Pessisimistic as many people are about the future of writing, I’m not particularly concerned. AI may please surface-level readers, like TikTok girlies who skip half the book anyway, but it can never satisfy the deep human urges that make reading so fun.
Don’t get it twisted: things will be uncomfortable for a while. We can’t discount the terrible effects that artificial intelligence has on the real world, from accelerating climate change to damaging children’s critical thinking skills. Publishers are turning to cheap, lazy AI writing because they can’t think beyond the short term and don’t really care about good products.
These are real, present dangers, both to the environment and to society as a whole. But they aren’t the scary, literature-ruining boogeyman that people are so worried about. AI isn’t going to destroy book publishing forever.
Eventually, AI will pass like every other writing fad, whether that’s pump-and-dump genre fiction or choose-your-own-adventure books for kids. Those of us who care about our craft will remain, providing fresh and thoughtful content that stands the test of time.
With the ease of self-publishing, there have been a glut of poorly written books that get no reviews and no sales. This dilutes the pool for other writers, who then need to fight harder to get their books known.
And given the deluge of bad books coming from self-published writers, readers are hesitant to give any self-published book a try. They simply can’t sort through all these options to find good stuff, and they’ll turn instead to a standard benchmark of trust: tradpub books.
As a self-published author, I completely understand why someone would only stick to books from the Big 5 or other trusted imprints. That author needed to convince dozens of people that their book would make money; there’s a much higher threshold of quality.
This is, of course, harmful to every self-published author. While it can partially be blamed on the fact that we don’t have anywhere near the same resources as a giant publishing company, it’s also kind of on us as a community too.
Too many people are publishing before they’re ready, making it harder for everyone – and themselves.
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Why is it so bad to publish unpolished work?
One may say, “Well, I want to start making money. I can practice my craft while getting paid for it! I can get feedback from readers and improve my work over time!”
Bzzt. Wrong.
Readers are not a good resource for feedback. You need skilled teachers, beta readers, and editors to help you with this endeavor because most readers are consumers who don’t have the skills necessary to tell you what you’re doing wrong. They’ll just tell you that they don’t like it and be done with it.
The first book that a reader encounters from you is your only opportunity to impress them. If that first impression is bad, then they’re not going to take a chance on your next works. Unless you attract new readers with your later works who then go back and read the rest, your better novels are going to flop too.
So if you’re going the self-publishing route, you need to decide for yourself whether you’re ready. Unfortunately, many writers write their very first book and decide that it’s time to go … then publish something that’s not great.
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If you have not written one million practice words, you are not ready.
I stand by this rule because it’s what kept me from publishing crap. I did approximately 1.6 million practice words before developing an original series, and I’m so glad that I did. Looking back at my work from 2021, I can see an enormous difference in quality, while that quality jump slows down in the last works before I started the Eirenic Verses.
This tells me that I’ve gotten all the kinks out of my writing style, learned from my mistakes, and developed a unique voice.
During this process, I read a mixture of beginner and professional writing while I did my own practice. I beta read for other beginners so that I could see the common mistakes in a more “neutral” setting; ie, I wasn’t tearing my own work to shreds. When I noticed that I didn’t like something, I would look for similar instances in my own work and recognize that these things aren’t helpful.
I read books about writing, studied great books, and kept practicing until I felt very confident in my skills. If I’d published back in 2021, before I began my million-word journey, I would have been ripped to shreds.
And as I have said before, fanfic was the best way to go for my practice. Some writers get frustrated because they feel like they’re “wasting their talent” by writing practice novels, but I never felt like I was expending unnecessary effort because I really enjoyed what I was doing. It didn’t feel like work, nor did it feel wasted.
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Age is not a reliable indicator of your skills.
This is a niche argument but one I need to point out. People tend to believe that when I say “beginner writer,” I’m talking about high school students or college freshmen.
Not true.
I often see people older than me (I’m in my mid-thirties) who write like teenagers because, well, they haven’t practiced enough. But for some reason, they believe that simply being older means that they’re a better writer than someone in their twenties who started writing seriously when they were very young.
Maybe this is because they have written hundreds, even thousands of emails, social media posts, or diary entries. Business and everyday communication are entirely different from fiction writing. They don’t provide you what’s necessary to succeed as a writer.
Age does provide experience in some things. You will know more about how relationships work; you’ll have a greater understanding of world affairs; you can draw on things from your own life. But, these do not automatically translate to good writing skills. You still need to practice.
We would all think it’s ridiculous if someone had never ridden a horse but insists they know what they’re doing just because they’re in their forties. Being 56 wouldn’t imbue you with the ability to play the saxophone. The same is true of writing.
This is why I stand by the million-word rule. It says nothing about age, only practice. Someone could be 25 and have written a million practice words, or they could be just starting in their fifties.
Do not assume that being older makes you wiser. Do the work.
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Not being ready now doesn’t mean you’ll never be ready.
I’ve gotten pushback before when espousing the million-word rule. People complain that it’s gatekeeping and that I’m trying to police other peoples’ actions, but I’m really not.
If you publish a terrible book, it dilutes the market for the rest of us, but ultimately it’s not my problem. I don’t have to attach my name to that work or risk my reputation on a bad book. I offer this advice because I want you to succeed, not because I’m a snob who wants to feel superior to you.
A million words can feel daunting, even insurmountable. But it’s not. That’s about ten 100k books. For me, it was 130 fanfics of all different lengths, with the largest being about 110k.
Slow writers or those with a very busy life are going to struggle with this, it’s true. But if you really enjoy writing, you want to bring your best work to the masses, and you won’t be mad about the idea of working toward that goal.
There’s no rush, especially because fiction writing isn’t a lucrative career in the first place. You’re not missing out on royalties by waiting because you wouldn’t have gotten many royalties for a bad book anyway.
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Your practice writing is not wasted work.
Another thing I see is people complaining that the million-word rule is telling them to waste time on something that won’t ever be published. While that may be true for fanfic, it’s not true if you’re writing original fiction.
Practicing something isn’t wasted effort if you have a goal in mind and are systematized about it. Few people would be enough of a jerk to tell a garage band that they’re wasting their time practicing because they haven’t produced an album or headlined a tour. Someone learning to paint isn’t wasting time making art that won’t be put in the Louvre.
For some reason, it’s only with writing that people scoff at practicing, assuming everyone can be Stephen King with their first novel. It’s not true, and you should ignore those naysayers – especially the ones that have taken root in your brain.
Writers do have an advantage over other artists, though. Once you’ve sharpened your skills, you can absolutely polish your first stories so that they are publishable. This is the joy of writing: you can come back to it as many times as necessary until you’re satisfied.
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You must be able to handle criticism before putting your work out into the world.
Can you handle negative feedback with grace, or do you fly off the handle? Have you ever fought with a reader about their score or badgered them into changing their review?
Then you are not ready to publish, even if your writing is up to par.
Authors must have good self-esteem that can take a few knocks. They need to be able to separate themselves from their finished product and recognize that everyone has different tastes. No matter how great you are, your work is not going to resonate with everyone who comes across it, and this is okay.
A few months ago, I did a review exchange with a fellow self-published author. I had given their first book five stars because I liked it, but I gave their second book four stars and an honest but polite review because, well, I didn’t like it as much.
They knew I didn’t like it because I had beta read for them, but they still begged me for a review, which was … not very smart of them. If someone told me they didn’t like what I wrote, I would not assume they’d say something different in the public sphere. Not everyone does fake nicey-nice; I certainly don’t.
Once they saw my review, they absolutely lost it. Not only did they leave me a passive-aggressive four-star review on Pride Before a Fall, but they fought with me about my review for hours, trying to force me to change what I said.
Well, of course I said no. I privately told them the exact same thing I say publicly, both about my review and about theirs:
You have to understand that reviews are not for you, they are for other readers. I was very polite in my review and simply said that the style wasn’t to my taste. I did not bash your book or claim it was terrible.
And you brought up valid criticisms in your review, which is perfectly fine. I cannot expect everyone to like my book, and you are very much entitled to think it was slow paced or not like my writing style. That review is not for me. It’s for readers who may like to know that the book is slow-paced so that they don’t waste their time on something they won’t like.
In fact, I welcome such feedback. It ensures that only people who will really like my book will pick it up and that I don’t have unsatisfied readers.
If you’ve ever argued with beta readers about their critique, or gotten angry when a reader did not give you a glowing review, then you need to take a step back and work on your self-esteem.
Get more critique, not less; train yourself out of your knee-jerk defensiveness and recognize that people not liking your work says nothing about you as a person. It has to do with your writing. It is not a personal attack.
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Contrary to popular belief, self-publishing is expensive.
Self-publishing is not free unless you’re able to create a great cover by yourself and have great friends who will beta read your work for you.
When publishing two books a year, I spend around $2,500 on products and services. This includes cover artists, beta readers, editors, writing software, WordPress, Canva, and Booksprout.
This is on the cheaper end of the scale for self-published authors; many spend $8,000 a year or more, most of which isn’t being recouped by royalties.
Again, another reason why you should not quit your day job. You need an income stream to pour into your writing.
And you have to factor in the time you’re spending writing instead of doing something with immediate payoff. This is an intangible cost that I can’t calculate, but it’s a fair chunk of change.
So a lot of self-pub authors go deep in the hole for their work. If you’re not making much, you will need to save up for this expense and find good vendors who are within your budget. Writers will need to make a publishing fund for themselves so that they aren’t going into debt paying for the services they need to succeed.
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Action points for publishing readiness
Here are the things you need to do so you’re ready to hit publish.
Find good writing manuals or free writing advice to guide you.
Read widely, thinking of what you can learn from each book.
Complete your million practice words, or more.
Learn to take constructive criticism.
Hone your unique writing voice.
Create a publishing fund.
Get feedback on your work.
Beta read for other beginner writers.
Learn about marketing (for later use).
Decide whether you want to pursue tradpub or self-pub.
Learn about tradpub expectations (even if you’re planning to self-pub).
There you have it. Everything relies on you practicing with intention, not rushing toward a finish line. Aim for those million words, read as much as possible, and know that good things take time.
Equine affection is everywhere in the Eirenic Verses. Whether that’s Uileac meeting his beloved palomino Erix in 9 Years Yearning or Orrinir’s terrible horse Bannain causing the inciting event in Pride Before a Fall, it’s impossible not to notice the many horses that populate the series.
But why have I created a series that’s so focused on these hoofed characters? Let’s take a look.
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I am an unabashed horse girl.
There. I said it.
One of the highlights of my childhood was going to horseback summer camp through the local community college. I loved spending time with the animals, and I still remember my glee when my parents scraped up enough money for pink cowgirl boots. We couldn’t afford regular riding lessons, making that time all the more precious to me.
After those summer camps ended, I would find opportunities to hang out with horses whenever I could, sporadic as that was. Whether it was begging a friend to let me watch them ride, badgering my grandparents to take me to a neighbor’s horse farm, or even dating someone because they had Horse Access, I was kind of addicted. The rarity of these events just made them all the more enticing to me.
During my BA degree at University of Illinois-Chicago, I didn’t have the time or money to drive out to Lake County for lessons. Instead, I’d head over to Water Tower Place and stare at the carriage horses for a while. If we went on vacation to anywhere with trail rides, I’d demand to go. I even went to a show at the Noble Horse Theater for more horse time.
It was only in 2024 that I finally took up horseback riding again. I’d already started writing the series, so I told myself that this was research! I needed to accurately depict horses and horseback riding!
…. Yeah that’s a lie. I just love horses. Though I will admit that the time I spend riding does add verisimilitude.
I go once a week to my local stable for lessons. This time is so important to me that I dedicated the second book in the series to my previous lesson horse, Truly, who was essential to my growth as a rider.
When I’m not riding, I’m watching videos of horse trainers, inhaling silly Instagram videos of horse antics, and reading horseback riding guides. In addition to all the other stuff I do, like rock climbing.
Now I regularly ride a blind horse, Stevie, who has upped my game even more. More about her in a few minutes.
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Horses, while common in fantasy series, are often underutilized.
There are few things more frustrating than when writers clearly don’t know what they’re talking about. This goes doubly so for horseback riding, given that it’s so important to me.
Many fantasy writers discuss horses more like they are furry cars than actual animals who have feelings and needs. For example, I once beta read a story where the writer had the main character riding a horse and then immediately start walking through a gate on foot. The horse seemed to disappear with no further thought, like they’d parked a car and left it there.
This is, of course, not how horses work. These big furry beasts have an annoying tendency to wander off and get into trouble when you leave them alone. If you left their saddle and bridle on, they could get the stirrups or reins caught on something and seriously hurt themselves.
Plus, if you’ve been riding them for a whole day, they need food and water. They need to have their hooves picked. They need their tack removed and their fur brushed. They need somewhere warm and safe to rest.
So, in my books, you see the characters grooming the horses after every ride. Even when the horses are off-screen, you remember they’re there because the characters will go to feed the horses or muck their stalls.
Uileac runs the stirrups up when finished riding Erix because they use a similar saddle to our world’s English saddle. That’s my discipline, so I’m more familiar and comfortable with this saddle type.
I also have them remove the horse’s bit to graze. This is possible with most bridles, but usually unnecessary. Why did I add this detail? Mostly to show the characters’ care for their animals, making them a little more comfortable while eating.
Though my books are fantasy, I want the world to feel real, and I want to utilize every element I include to its fullest extent. While some readers may find these scenes boring, I hope they’ll appreciate the sense of realism it brings to the books.
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Demonstrating the bond between horse and rider is important to me.
I really dislike when people write fantasy stories where the humans don’t care about their horses and know nothing about them.
The above picture is Stevie, my current lesson horse. As you can see from the little label on her stall, she is mostly blind, though she can differentiate between light and dark to some extent.
I’m one of the few students at my stable who is allowed to ride her because she needs extra love and attention. Stevie needs to trust her rider, and she needs them to trust her, too. As her rider, you are her eyes; lose focus and you may crash her right into a wall. Working with her simply would not be possible if you don’t care about the horse-human bond.
Before I was allowed access to her, I had to prove that I was willing to build rapport with the horse I was assigned. Sometimes, this means choosing not to spend my lesson time riding, but instead giving baths, or doing groundwork, or even cleaning tack.
In fact, my favorite part of horseback riding lessons isn’t actually being atop a huge animal: it’s grooming them. In that moment, the horse is the whole focus; I lavish love on them and make sure they are comfortable. By giving unselfishly of my time and attention, I help the horse understand that I will alway prioritize their needs over my wants.
The horse-human bond is not some new-age thing, either. Throughout history, humans have grown immensely attached to their horses because they are an expensive investment.
In feudal Japan, only samurai were allowed to ride on horseback; Mongolians show their wealth through their horse herds. For a medieval farmer, owning a horse meant job security because they could plow the fields or haul a cart to market. Not everyone could afford one, and those that could would do everything possible to keep that horse in good health.
Royalty would show off their horses by building grand stables that were more like ballrooms. Check out the Versailles stables to see what I mean.
So it makes no sense for fantasy characters to treat horses like mere objects when so much of their livelihood depends on them. Spend long enough with an animal, and you will know their likes and dislikes; you will come to care for them because they are essential to your well-being.
This, to an avowed horse girl, is something worth celebrating in my work.
Every horse in my books is clearly loved. They all have different personalities, which often match their owners. Uileac and Erix are both driven and fiercely loyal, so they work well together.
Personality mismatches between horse and rider become plot points, like Orrinir’s utter exasperation with his mischievous Bannain. The growing bond between the two of them shows character growth while adding minor conflicts that provide a bit of comic relief.
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Horse temperaments determine their vocations.
This is Lucy, a pinto I met during a trail ride in West Virginia.
Even though we only spent about three hours together, Lucy made an indelible impression on me because she was incredibly athletic yet also a bit ornery. She could force her way up very steep inclines, hock-deep in mud, without a single care in the world, then abruptly stop and grab a snack from the nearby bushes.
Having been ridden by so many different people, Lucy didn’t pay much mind to my gestures; she knew the route by heart and didn’t need my input for the most part. As long as I didn’t rip the bit out of her mouth or kick her right in the ribs, I was basically invisible to her.
This is very different than Truly, who is sensitive to every small movement a rider makes. The slightest touch on her side can make her go, while the lightest pull on the bit will make her stop. Truly may turn in a circle or even sidestep if you gesture wrong because, as a school horse, she has been trained to focus 100% on what her rider is doing. She’s a lot like Uileac’s horse Erix, who is partly based on her.
Stevie is similar to but spookier than Truly because of her blindness. She needs her rider’s full attention at all times to keep her safe, and she is entirely attuned to not just their movements but their mental and physiological state. One time, I drank too much Red Bull before a lesson so my heart rate was elevated, and Stevie was panicky the whole time.
I have now stopped using caffeine on Mondays so Stevie is more comfortable. You can understand how much of a sacrifice that is.
While we often think of horse vocations based on breeds, every horse will have a temperament suited to different work. Lucy, being so laid-back and independent, is perfect for trail riding, but she wouldn’t do great as a barrel racer, which requires greater connection between horse and rider. Truly and Stevie are draft crosses who are perfect for riding lessons but would be terrible for trail rides because they don’t suffer oblivious people.
Understanding this is what helps authors craft realistic horses that are better suited for their roles. For example, Erix is an excellent warhorse because she’s so devoted to Uileac; she’ll do anything to protect her human, even if it means putting herself in danger.
In later parts of the series, we see that Bannain has become a cart horse. He excels in this role because other horses keep him in line. Our boy is a herd follower, not a leader.
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Bremish culture is based around Mongolia, famous for its horses.
Since I love horses so much, it only made sense to make Breme love horses too. And what better way to do that than to reflect a similarly horse-crazy culture in our own world?
This is particularly true when it comes to the Bremish Cavalry. While in medieval Europe, the cavalry was more about shock and awe, Asian cavalries were devastatingly effective. In Mongolia, cavalries would surround and exhaust footsoldiers; they would also use a method where they pretended to retreat before turning around and encompassing the opposing side, leading to mass confusion.
Mongolian archers could shoot left, right, backwards and forwards, just like the Bremish cavalry. Even their target practice was different, using swinging leather balls or large boards dragged by other horses.
Also they look super badass. So there’s that.
I designed the topography of Breme around the Mongolian steppes, but with the choke point of the Rimuk Pass. In this way, the Bremish Cavalry serves a bit like the Japanese cavalry, where samurai would herd enemy soldiers into a small area and execute them.
Having a more concentrated area means that soldiers do not need to switch mounts as they would in feudal Mongolia, where battles could span a huge expanse. Mongolian soldiers could have as many as 20 different horses they took with them to battle, leading to hours-long skirmishes. This creates a blend between the two different Asian battle styles, but still makes the cavalry more effective than in medieval Europe.
Lastly, the Bremish love of horses is reflect in the Feast of the Horse, which is based on the Mongolian festival of Naadam. During Naadam, celebrants enjoy parades, archery competitions, races, and more, just like in Pride Before a Fall.
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I hope my readers will enjoy the equine focus as much as I do.
There are have been a few detractors of my approach, of course. One reader complained that I used too many ‘weird horse terms,’ like “palomino” and “gelding,” and they didn’t want to have to look these things up because they don’t care.
But that’s fine. Not every book will appeal to every person. If you don’t like horses, you won’t like my series, and you don’t have to read it.
Those that do love the bond between horse and rider will hopefully enjoy my characterization of the many lovable animals that appear in The Eirenic Verses, each with their own quirks and flaws.
Because I worked as a writing tutor for about five years, I have read a lot of amateur work. I still read amateur work from time to time as a pro-bono beta reader.
And I have a lot of amateur work stuffed into my own Word Docs, which I pretend does not exist.
As such, I am intimately familiar with the many problems that crop up when you’re learning. Knowing what they are so you can fix them will help you improve faster.
Please note that I am not going to share any real examples of work I think is amateur. We are not here to shame beginners, and none of this is meant to discourage anyone. Rather, I want you to be able to review your work with these issues in mind so that you can workshop ways to avoid such issues.
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Unattributed Dialogue
The occasional unattributed line of dialogue is fine – but only one, during an established conversation, when we can easily figure out who spoke.
So we’re not talking about a single line of text. Rather, I’m speaking about something like this:
Megan twirled her hair around her finger as Priya stared at her.
“So you’re going to ask him out?”
“Of course I am.”
“But why? He’s so ugly. I don’t get it.”
“I don’t know, I just like him,” Priya said while munching on a cinnamon roll.
“That’s not a good enough answer.”
“It is to me.”
We can’t really guess who is speaking in each part, especially because both girls are on equal footing in the first line. Both of them are performing an action rather than sitting more passively, and neither action really suggests speech.
It’s only in the fifth line that we realize Priya is the one asking the boy out, while Ashley is the one interrogating her. That’s far too late for us to get a real sense of what is happening.
Before you say “Ah, but Hemingway did this,” I will say that you (and I) are not Hemingway. Do not place yourself in the category of The Greats if you haven’t achieved that status.
I think this problem may come from the fact that many writers get an interest in writing a book not from reading a lot of books – but from watching a lot of movie adaptations of books. Thus, they write their dialogue like a screenplay rather than an actual book.
So, let’s look at how to fix this.
Ashley stopped twirling her hair around her finger, staring accusingly at an impassive Priya.
“So you’re going to ask him out?”
Huffing, Priya picked up her cinnamon roll. “Of course I am.”
“But why?” Ashley asked with a scowl. “He’s so ugly. I don’t get it.”
“I don’t know, I just like him,” Priya said with her mouth full.
Brows darkening, Ashley grabbed the paper plate away so her friend couldn’t snatch the rest of the roll. “That’s not a good enough answer.”
“It is to me.”
Pairing dialogue with an action helps you avoid the very annoying “he said, she said,” blah blah blah, while also moving the plot along. This also discourages you from using a million different dialogue tags that you don’t need, like “growled,” “complained,” etc. Speaking of that ….
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Always using special dialogue tags
Now, I do not believe that you never should use anything but “said,” “asked,” and so on. I use them, but only if I believe they add extra weight or interest to the dialogue.
“I love you,” she said, is very different from “I love you,” she sobbed. One suggests a more neutral action, while the other suggests that her lover may be on the brink of death or trying to leave her.
Regardless, do not use them for every single piece of dialogue, because it’s tiring. Only use them if they provide additional context for what is being said that we could not understand otherwise.
And, of course, you can use action attribution, as I showed above, to avoid using “said” entirely.
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White Room Syndrome
Description has gotten a bad rap lately for reasons unknown (TikTok). But, at least to me, there are few things more frustrating than having a scene that magically disappears while the characters are speaking. No one is engaging with the environment; they’re just standing around and nothing is happening around them.
The easiest way to avoid White Room Syndrome is to simply let the characters interact with the environment as they are speaking: note things happening around them, pick up objects, be distracted by something else while they talk.
Many times, White Room Syndrome is combined with unattributed dialogue, which naturally reveals an easy way to fix the problem. Have the characters do things through action attribution.
Pay attention to how many times you have mentioned something in the environment. If it has been more than a few paragraphs, throw some tangible actions in, or mention a noise or a color or whatever.
Even great writers can fall into White Room Syndrome if they’re not careful because they are getting really focused on what the characters are doing. That’s the joy of revision, though – and it’s why you should reread your work multiple times, each time focusing on something different.
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Mechanical Writing
This was covered in my post about using mundane scenes. Essentially, mechanical writing is when you just lay everything out in basic, yet excruciating detail.
Again, I believe this comes from writers who watch too many movies instead of reading enough books. You do not need to do a play-by-play of everything a character is doing in a book like you would in a screeplay; they are completely different disciplines.
Fiction is a representation of real life, but it is not real life itself. You can gloss over certain assumed actions, like getting out of bed, or opening a door, or whatever. Show us what is important and assume your readers know enough about real life to fill in the missing actions.
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Cardboard Cutout Characters
When I say cardboard cutouts, this is what I mean.
Characters don’t have compelling motivations, desires, or interests. We don’t know what they want from life or their plans to achieve it.
What we know about the character is basic, trivial things, like they like a certain food, listen to certain music, have a certain job, etc.
Any labels or identities aren’t engaged with in a meaningful way. The characters don’t feel any different for being queer, or neurodivergent, or from a certain culture. We are expected to empathize with them because of their identities, not because of who they are.
The characters do not emote as one would expect because the writer doesn’t really care about their reactions; they’re trying to tell a story about a thing that happens and needed someone for it to happen to. So, the MC’s father dies, and they go “oh no, that’s sad,” and stuff moves on.
The characters have no contradictions or depth. They always act the same in every situation, whether it’s a hostage situation or the barista getting their coffee order wrong.
Characters may have a tragic backstory, but it does not appear to affect them in any way. They don’t get triggered, or angry, or act like a traumatized person would be expected to.
Characters are not differentiated from one another. If taken out of context, a meaningful piece of dialogue could be from anyone in the story.
None of the “good” characters ever fight with each other, even in terrible situations. They always act in the nicest, kindest, sweetest, purest way possible because the author is scared of making them seem mean.
All conflict comes from outside of the character, and typically outside of the “good” group of characters.
Characters do not grow and change throughout the story. No matter what they go through, they act exactly the same as they did in the beginning.
There is no agency. Characters don’t need to make decisions; the story makes decisions for them. They simply react to whatever is happening and don’t change the plot.
Many of my first attempts at characterization were frankly terrible. The characters were boring, and flat, and felt like plot points instead of people. I had reached that frustrating writing stage where I knew I wasn’t doing it right, but I also wasn’t sure how to fix it.
To improve, I wrote a ton of fanfic. Over a million words of it.
This makes perfect sense: you have premade characters who are already interesting enough that you want to write about them. Many times, you have a whole group of people who also like that character and want to dissect everything they do.
Don’t feel weird about writing fanfic, no matter your age. Most of the best writers I know – and, indeed, many published authors – started with fanfic. You can learn damn near everything you need to by reading good books (not just other fanfic) and writing about characters you already like.
You also don’t feel the pressure to publish your first story, which is a pitfall many amateur writers stumble into. And then they get no positive feedback because their book is really bad, and then they are discouraged, and then they don’t want to keep going.
Avoid the siren song of premature self-publishing by writing fanfic: legally impossible to copyright! My post about how to write relatable characters could also be helpful in this regard.
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Melodrama
I did a whole post on melodrama in writing which you can read for further details, so I don’t go too into depth here.
New writers do not realize yet that their readers will check out if there’s constant excitement. It’s too much for us to process; you can only ramp up the stakes so much until we are not interested.
As such, pare down the action. Less is more. Choose one huge plot point and let the story build up to that through mini-climaxes: small scenes that hint at what is to come.
Add downtime scenes, where everyone can relax and catch their breath. These aren’t filler scenes; this is a time to share more information, build characterization, and create connection with the characters.
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Overly Chill Downtime Scenes
… But, you also cannot have downtime scenes that feel totally out of place and destroy the mood.
For example, if there’s a war going on and the characters are in danger, do not suddenly cut to some bucolic scene where they’re all laughing and chatting like nothing is wrong. It’s weird, and it actually lowers the stakes, because if they can go pluck daffodils, are they really in that much danger?
Unless you have one of them get sniped or something. Then you’ve got a great tragedy on your hands. So if you can pull that off, then by all means, let them pluck daffodils.
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Infodumps
I put this at the end because writers at all stages can fall into this trap. Despite over a decade of writing, I still screw up sometimes because I can’t figure out a way not to just tell you the information.
You probably have an infodump if there is just a full few paragraphs explaining what the backstory is, where they are, what is happening. This is especially true if you’re explaining some mythology or history or whatever.
One of the easiest fixes, and the one I rely on most, is for a character to say it rather than the narrator.
Here’s an example from the sixth book in my series, Poesy:
“I don’t see why you’re always whining about this place,” Uileac said, looking at her with eyes so like her own. “It was pretty good for a brand-new High Poet. Has anyone ever complained?”
No, none of her fellows had voiced their concerns about the environs, Cerie realized resentfully. They were just being nice, though.
“Then again, I’ve never been inside. Maybe it’s a total wreck.” He winked, smile widening in proportion to her scowl, before gently punching her shoulder. “I’m sure it’s fine.”
“You’re horrible. The worst brother ever.”
Shaking his head, Uileac stretched and hummed. “Oh? If you really want to know how good of a brother I am, the War Committee demanded I not bother to escort you. They only agreed because I left them an Infantry Captain as a deposit.”
She smiled faintly at the idea of Orrinir used like a token but refused to interrupt Uileac as he continued. “This retreat is right by the border; do you have any idea how dangerous that is?”
Other than Cerie’s internal dialogue, we got a bunch of vital information from a natural-sounding conversation between two siblings. They are talking to one another, not to us, even though we’re gleaning a lot of useful intel from what they are saying.
Don’t get discouraged if you have a lot of these problems in your work; it’s completely normal. Experienced writers still have these issues from time to time. The difference is that experienced writers can identify and fix the problem.
Noticing you have an issue is half the battle. By becoming intentional with your writing and workshopping solutions, you can make a story that people love.
