Today’s the day! It’s finally time for the review campaign for Absent All Light, coming June 23, 2026! And this time, I am also opening simultaneous preorders, mostly so reviewers can share their thoughts on all available platforms.
I am delighted to finally share this fast-paced, thrilling adventure with you after many months of impatiently waiting. This novel finally introduces us to Cerie Korviridi’s POV, and we get to see her truly come into her own as a High Poet.
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Blurb and First Chapter
First off, let’s check out the blurb so you know what you’re getting into.
LGBTQ literary fantasy gains a gritty edge in this character-driven thriller, where poetry is a weapon and every verse requires blood.
Cerie Korviridi has trained for over a decade to achieve the greatest torture: having her fingernails torn out as a pledge to the goddess Poesy. With this sacrifice, she gains High Poetry, a form of literature magic. The feminine spiritual force is the very reason that her country, Breme, has never been overtaken by their enemies, a hostile force beyond the mountains.
This ritual was meant to be a sacred moment, a time when she could reflect on the magic of poetry. Instead, she’s drawn into a race against time when her elder brother, the calculating cavalryman Uileac Korviridi, arrives with devastating news.
“Orrinir was captured by the Sinans. I need Cerie’s help.”
Accomplished infantryman Orrinir Relickim is known for two things: his powerful swordsmanship and deep devotion to his husband Uileac. Political intrigue has always been beyond his purview; he does his work and goes home. But international conflicts dig their claws into him when the Sinans break an ancient code against hostage-taking. Dragged into a sacred cave with his best friend and six hostile warriors, he must pray his husband will find him. Or try to fight his way out.
What begins as a simple rescue mission spirals out of control until it challenges the very foundations of Bremish society – and the family ties between all three. Complex loyalties shatter the simple idea of “good vs. evil,” while uncaring institutions use Uileac, Orrinir, and Cerie as political pawns.
Romance is rebellion. Love is pain. And beyond it all, poetry has the power to make miracles or take a human life.
In Absent All Light, the fifth book in the main Eirenic Verses series, readers finally see Cerie come into her own as a sharp-tongued, pragmatic protagonist. An emotionally complex, established queer relationship offers a refreshing spin on the romantasy genre, but with the visceral intensity of military thrillers.
This literary fantasy story, underpinned by an established relationship and sibling bonds, is perfect for those who love The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller or A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske.
If you want a sneak peak at the book to see what it sounds like, you can check out the first chapter that I shared at the end of April.
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Preorders on Most Platforms
Though the book is coming out on June 23, I’m opening preorders now so that my reviewers have all platforms available to them. This is also so those who don’t have the time or energy to review can still know they’ll have the book waiting for them come June.
More platforms are coming soon, so if you don’t see your preferred site, check the Books2Read link in a few days.
It will also eventually be available on OverDrive if you would like to request it from your local library. Be sure to add it to your Goodreads bookshelf as well!
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Booksprout Review Campaign
For those who would like early access (and to help me out so so much), the campaign is now available on Booksprout. Simply sign up for an account, click this link, and join the campaign.
You’ll get a download in your preferred format, a little note to warn you about what’s in the book, and links to all available review platforms.
Because I am a cheapskate, I only have 25 slots available, so sign up fast!
Some important notes for Booksprout campaigns:
Please do not use AI to write your review. This can get me in big trouble.
Booksprout does not automatically port your review to other platforms; you will leave a review on Booksprout and then another one on whatever platforms you choose. It’s set to Goodreads but you can use any of the links once they become available.
Remember to add the disclaimer Booksprout gives you so that platforms know this is a genuine review from a campaign.
If you didn’t like the book, be honest. I won’t be offended. But try to give reasons you did not like it. Negative reviews also help by warning other readers who may also not like it. You’re helping the community.
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Thank you so much to everyone who chooses to preorder or review. Your support is worth its weight in gold, and I am immensely grateful. Be sure to tell your friends if you think they might be interested, too!
While not every feast or festival shows up in the Eirenic Verses, this additional lore may be of interest to some readers, offering a deeper look into the country’s history and traditions. Don’t worry – there’s no test, nor is this essential reading. Enjoy!
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New Years
Late winter
Unlike Breme, which has a calendar based on lunar movements, Sina has a set calendar codified by one of the previous rulers. This day is celebrated with lanterns, food, wine, and gambling.
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Jubilee Day
Early Spring
Held shortly after New Years. After 10 years, a peasant may have their debts forgiven. Traditionally, people would meet to settle other business matters as well, or to reconcile with past enemies and friends.
If any municipalities have deficits, the queen may visit and ceremonially forgive the debt.
Public dances and celebrations are common, with celebrants singing songs praising the Sinan Royal Family for their benevolence.
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Festival of Hydrangeas
Mid-Spring
Celebrated when the hydrangeas begin to flower, and usually lasts about a week. Hydrangeas are beloved by the Sinan people thanks to their multicolored blooms.
A tradition of hydrangea fortune-telling has sprung up around the country; it’s believed that the intensity of the color, the exact bunchings, and the overall health of the flower can tell you things about your future. Hydrangea candies and teas are popular snacks.
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Titheday
Late Spring
Essentially tax day, when people give their tithes to the queen or to the local authorities.
It has come to be a celebration of sorts because people gather together to have their tithes counted, spurring spontaneous celebrations (probably to ease the stress of giving away their money).
Drinking, feasts, and games of chance are common.
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The Miracle of Isthmus
Early Summer
One of the few “supernaturally” themed holidays, celebrating when Queen Alnan was saved from a shipwreck by the Suluk sea lion. Pageants celebrate this feat, and “Sea Lion Dances” will wind through the streets of the larger cities.
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Landing Day
Midsummer
Celebrates when Queen Alnan landed on the continent. One of the best parts of this festival is kayak jousting, when hardy competitors will attempt to push one another off their boat using their oars.
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Victors’ Day
Late Summer
The time when soldiers join the army. They may join without compulsion or be pressed into service to pay off debts. Sinan soldiers are paid handsomely, making them more likely to join.
Regardless of the reason, there are a few weeks of flurried recruitment before Victors’ Day, when they are formally invited into the service. Military parades, speeches, and tearful goodbyes occur all across the country.
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Rockfall Day
Early Fall
Celebrates one of the greatest victories of the Sinan army, when they crushed several Bremish cities with avalanches. People drop paper-mache rocks filled with candies from high places and sing songs about killing the Bremish.
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Lullweek
Mid-Fall
Sina doesn’t have many private schools or universities, but those that do exist operate all year round. However, there are a number of trade schools that use the same schedule. These are for things like shipbuilding, glassblowing, masonry, and leatherwork.
There is approximately two weeks between the two annual semesters. During this fortnight, it’s expected that students will get up to mischief and the townspeople will endure it.
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Darknight
Late Fall
This late fall evening is very unlucky, as it represents the coming winter. To counteract this, people will bank their fires high and stay up all night singing, banging pots, and drinking strong tea. It’s assumed that you’ll give your employees the next day off work unless they are essential workers, like guards or doctors.
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Fire Festival
Midwinter
Sina does not really get all that cold in most of the areas away from the mountains, but they still celebrate the coldest, darkest time of the year.
There are extravagant presents, hot drinks, huge bonfires, and presentations by dancers dressed in filmy tunics, shown as a sign of bravery.
Others will plunge into the ice-cold Melinun Sea, carrying lanterns and singing songs. Cities have boats set up to rescue hapless villagers.
I do not finish probably 70% of the books I start reading unless they are so terribly bad that I’m intrigued. Simply put, there are too many great books out there to waste time on one I don’t enjoy.
Generally, I decide whether a book is worth my investment within the first page, sometimes the first few pages. I’ve highlighted the glaring problems that absolutely make me click off, but there are more subtle ones, too: warning signs that others may not even notice. I’ve decided to share some of those from my most recent DNF experiences so you have an idea of might make some (but not all, of course) readers give up.
I’m not the ultimate authority on reading or writing, so these things may not matter to anyone but me. Still, I’m also not the only person in existence who is like this, so just keep some of these in mind when you’re writing.
Here’s one you may never have thought of. This is a paraphrased example from a recent book I gave up on.
“Sandra wandered through her desert hometown.”
That’s it: all that was necessary to make me give up.
But why? What could possibly make this singular sentence so annoying?
The same reason as a fish would not refer to themselves floating through water. Someone who has lived in the desert their whole life isn’t going to think “I live in a desert town.” Because it’s their hometown.
Now, if someone came from outside of the desert and visited a desert town, then of course they would note that. I was very aware that I was in the desert when I visited Albuquerque last year. But that’s because that environment isn’t my normal, so I note it because it’s unusual.
Additionally, the desert doesn’t tend to encroach inside of a town. The desert is “out there” beyond the scope of their neatly arranged streets and shops. Someone could walk into the desert from their town, but unless they are living in a saguaro, the fact that it is a desert doesn’t occur to them.
I get why the author did this. They wanted to quickly tell us what the environment is without “wasting time” on descriptions. But that’s lazy writing. The descriptions are the story: they set the mood, infuse themes, help us feel that what we are reading is real. So don’t skimp on them.
Furthermore, the author isn’t thinking like the character. They don’t realize that a character who is from the seashore, or the desert, or the mountains, etc, isn’t going to always describe their hometown as being on the sea or the desert or mountains or whatever. They won’t say “I live in a mountain town” to themselves; that would be something they’d say to someone else who doesn’t live in the mountains.
The author could have easily made a more interesting story (and kept me as a reader) by just describing the desert scenery without simply saying “it’s a desert.” Every desert is a little different, too, so this could have given us a better sense of place. We would have felt that we are seeing the story through Sandra’s eyes and would have recognized that she belongs here: this is her land, and she sees it as normal.
Another book I started had an in media res beginning of character running from “them.” I’ve already discussed my annoyance with in media res multiple times, so I won’t focus on that.
The author’s goal here is to invite mystery and make us wonder who “they” are, of course. Oh, we’ve got a creepy shadow organization that’s hunting people down! How stunning!
Except that it’s been done hundreds of thousands of times before. We need to know who these people are, why they are a threat, and why the character is running from them.
Your goal in the first few pages isn’t necessarily to create mystery; that can come later. Rather, we need to be immediately plopped down in the world and to empathize with the character.
This is why cold opens, like a character running from a nebulous “they,” are the fastest way to make people click off. We don’t care about this person yet. They have not done anything to earn our interest or our compassion. Refusing to reveal something that both the author and character already knows doesn’t add to that intrigue: it just makes us annoyed that we’re not given this valuable information upfront.
Now, I should note that when I’m talking about in media res, I’m not saying that nothing should happen in the first chapter. Not at all. But your very first few paragraphs shouldn’t be someone running, fighting, being stabbed, whatever. Give us a bit of time to bond with the person – and tell us the basic details of their plight.
That includes explaining who they are running from. Could be a pack of wolves, the police, an angry ex. The character already knows who they’re running from, so we should know too.
My next book, Absent All Light, has Cerie get her fingernails ripped out in Chapter 1. (If you’ve already read the rest of the books, you know why that happens.)
But I don’t start with her getting tortured. Rather, the first few pages are about her emotions and some of her backstory. We feel her stress, her fear, and her determination to go through with what’s to come.
Heightening that anxiety gives us a reason to care about Cerie before something bad occurs. While readers may not be extremely invested in Cerie yet, they do have a sense of her personality and want to understand why she would let someone hurt her so badly.
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The book starts with characters chitchatting about irrelevant things.
Now we have the other side of the spectrum. The author knows that they need to make us care about the characters; they understand that we have to bond with them before we are concerned about whatever situation they are in.
But instead of finding a compelling way to do that, they just show the characters talking to one another about nothing important.
A while ago, I started a book that had two princes shooting the breeze in a throne room, teasing one another about sexual conquests. Okay, you’re establishing that these two are Lotharios; maybe one is a bit more prudish than the other. But then, out of nowhere, their sister the princess swept in and started going “As you know, we’re at war with this other kingdom and they just took half our land and now we’re all gonna die.”
I’d have been happier if you started with them all discussing the whole Everyone Might Die thing first; it’s not necessarily in media res because it’s not action.
And no, the relationship stuff never mattered, either. It was just to show off that these two were horny and didn’t take their roles seriously.
Whatever happens in the beginning of the book sets the stage for everything else. Those first few pages tell us what we can expect, what will matter, what the characters’ goals are.
It’s fine to have things be a bit more lighthearted at first to ease us in. But people shouldn’t just be yammering about something that won’t matter. You can have a soft, low-stakes tone that still prioritizes the key themes and plot points.
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The book starts with an irrelevant minor character who will not play a key role in the book.
Readers are sweet, soft, fuzzy ducklings: they imprint on the first few characters they encounter in a book. Once this bond has been established, their natural instinct is to follow that character around, quacking inquisitively.
So imagine the sorrow and disappointment your highly literate waterfowl friends will experience when they find out that their new blorbo is essentially a store mannequin. We don’t want to bond with someone else! This is our new protector and source of entertainment! Give us our human back.
Extreme negative points if you kill that minor character off within the first few pages and try to make us imprint on someone else. It won’t work. Now we’re confused and unhappy; we’ve lost interest.
Whoever you start the book with should play a key role in whatever happens. They don’t need to be the MC, but we should see them around throughout the story.
When I see a character say, “as you know,” I typically lose interest. There are some cases when this would be helpful, and those cases rarely come up at the very beginning of a book.
This can be used to great effect later on, as a courtesy to the readers: whatever the character discusses is something we have likely already encountered, and we don’t need an exhaustive recap. It ensures we know everyone is up to speed like we are and can progress with problem solving.
But “as you know,” in the intro, is shorthand for “My character is now going to walk you through all the important information so I can get it out of the way without making you work for it.”
In other words, you’ve signposted the beginning of an infodump.
I will say that this is better than just giving us a sudden nonfiction-but-fiction rundown of everything, but it’s still annoying.
Also, people rarely say this in real life except if they’re being bitchy. It gives strong “per my last email” energy. So, given what I have experienced in over three decades of living in a society, I am automatically prejudiced against that character because I assume they’re an obnoxious know-it-all. If that’s what you intended, cool – just make sure that the character is insufferable.
But if you actually want us to like this character, then don’t use this phrase.
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The author just tells us who the character is without showing it.
Here’s an annoyingly common occurrence: the author wants us to understand that a character is athletic, intelligent, etc, so they just tell us that. But they never show the character doing anything athletic or intelligent.
Sometimes this will be that they are a nuclear physicist (we assume they are smart) or that they are a professional rock climber (we assume they are athletic), but then neither of these things ever show up in the book.
We’re just supposed to infer that because they have these titles, they automatically have these qualities, and the author’s work is done. The author then doesn’t have to show us the character thinking through a difficult problem or fighting for their life and winning.
It is my opinion (though you may disagree) that characters should only tell us lies about other characters. Everything else should be shown to us so that we can make up our own opinion. This way, we are always surprised by what happens because our perceptions have been challenged.
For example, have a character constantly call themselves a coward. Then show them standing up to a corrupt leader or taking a beating without shedding a single tear. Have everyone call a character stupid, then show how they defeat the Big Bad through their clever schemes.
Now we have to decide who to believe. Why does everyone think this brilliant character is stupid? How are their perceptions different from ours?
Underplaying a character always makes them more intriguing. Now we don’t know what will happen next. Are they going to conform to what other characters are saying and give up at the crucial moment, or will they be brave and push forward? Are they an idiot who will be squashed by the enemy, or are they going to show an incredible feat of intellectual prowess?
This approach also silences the naysayers who will go “you said this guy is the greatest hero to ever exist, but then he was defeated, so he sucks.” No one said he was the greatest hero ever; the author, and all the other characters, said he’s a total loser.
It’s surprising to the cast, and to us, that they were able to push through. Such an approach activates our instinctive desire to cheer on the underdog.
Of course, there will be a point where this shtick doesn’t work. If someone has done something miraculous, then it would be stupid for everyone to still insist they’re a loser who can’t do anything. We can’t let them get such bad Imposter Syndrome that it seems fake. At this point, you can have in-universe critics who downplay their achievements, which pushes us to sympathize with them more.
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The authors uses character actions as virtue signaling.
I left this one for last because it’s a more modern phenomenon and may not apply to everyone. It’s also less of a nitpick and more of a “stop doing that, for the love of god.”
Anyway, it’s become alarmingly common for younger authors to desperately reassure us that they don’t agree with whatever bad things their characters do.
I didn’t really come across this much when I was a young adult writer discussing nasty topics like rape and murder; people didn’t assume that I was a murderer for writing it. But, for some reason, the newer generation is terrified of being labeled problematic, even as they explore taboo topics, so they go well out of their way to break the fourth wall and assure everyone that they, themselves, aren’t that Bad Person.
Common examples I have seen:
The piece will usually start with a long, exhaustive list of trigger warnings for every possible theme, no matter how slight. (We know my stance on trigger warnings already.)
Characters will suddenly give an infodump about some social justice issue to another character as a way to show that they are super progressive and reasonable, even if it makes no sense for the scene.
Excessive verbal consent for sexual activity, which is usually fade to black. No one gets to third base without passing a phalanx of “are you sures?” And don’t even think about drunken sex! That’s basically illegal!
If a character drinks or uses drugs, there has to be someone to remind them that drugs are bad. The drug-using character is almost always the bad guy. It’s basically a DARE commercial.
Everyone talks like therapists and assures one another that they don’t agree with the Bad Things that are happening; in other words, they are acting as the author with their hands up, going, “Don’t sue me!”
Good characters are simply not allowed to do the wrong thing, ever. It’s very black and white. Good guys never lie, never steal, never kill the wrong person, never manipulate anyone. They don’t get angry, and they talk through things with total calm in situations that would not be calm in real life.
No good character has any internal biases. None of them discriminate, all of them are totally down with every progressive movement ever, and they aggressively stand up for these values as much as possible (to show the author agrees with these things).
Listen, I am a noted lesbian. The Eirenic Verses has an entire country that ships gay people off to a desert island and lets them be torn apart by wild dogs.
Does this mean that I think all gays should be tossed in prison camps and eaten? No, obviously not. I don’t intend to see the inside of a canine digestive system at any point in my life.
But it’s interesting to me. Homophobia exists in real life. I want to understand how it impacts people, how it starts, how to snap people out of it.
A fictional world with nothing bad in it is boring. There’s no conflict. There’s nothing to fix. That’s why no one gives a shit about utopias and they’re extremely rare in the literary world.
You can write about bad things without being a bad person. If someone comes after you with pitchforks and torches for writing about bad things, that’s because they enjoy being the persecutor. They will do anything possible to get that delicious high of being Morally Correct and Right.
Nothing you write will ever be good enough for a prude. They will always find fault with it, pushing the Overton Window further and further toward a completely sanitized world. If you comply with them, they’ll just find something new to consider “problematic.”
The best thing you can do with such bullies, either in fiction or real life, is to not play their game. Let them sharpen their pitchforks. It doesn’t matter.
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Every book is imperfect because writers are imperfect. But, we want to minimize the imperfections whenever possible and focus instead on making unique, exciting works. This ensures that our imperfections encourage speculation, not ridicule.
Take a look at your work and see what sticking points you may have. You may find that with a few simple adjustments, you have something even more amazing to share.
Here is another great post from my old blog, topazadine.com.
In 2022, I tried to write your typical boilerplate samurai novel called Birds of Japan. Standard fare: bisexual daimyō in an arranged marriage with a retainer’s daughter who prefers getting off with his karō (second in command), but slowly comes to love his wife after she helps him defeat a rival lord. Sword fights, gay sex, beheadings, abductions, etc etc, who cares.
I could have made something interesting out of it, especially if I added way more gay sex, but I got 119 pages in and never finished.
Well, that page count is disingenuous. Only 67 of those pages were actual writing.
The rest? All outline.
That’s right. Fifty-seven pages of outline. And there was even more, because I deleted the outline as I went along.
Why is this a problem? It creates a lack of motivation.
In my post about spreadsheet word counts, I discussed intrinsic motivation, which is when you create goals and compete with yourself in order to get more done. The issue is that you can ruin your intrinsic motivation by planning too much.
This is called mental rehearsal, which Dr. Dev Rowchowdhury, a performance psychologist, explains as:
Mental rehearsal involves imagined, mental practice of performing a task as opposed to actual practice. That is, when engaging in mental rehearsal, one imagines performing without having to actually do anything.
This is all well and good for athletes, who cannot be physically performing their chosen sport at all times. Sometimes, they need to think through their actions and envision themselves performing it as they should.
However, it goes out the window for us writers. Yes, we do need some form of mental rehearsal, which we then capture in an outline. But if we fantasize too much, we have made our brain believe we’ve already done it. Given that we don’t need kinesthetic memory but actual execution, over-outlining is deleterious for our craft.
At other times, overplanning might cause analysis paralysis. Jodi Clark, a Licensed Professional Counselor, describes it as thus:
Analysis paralysis refers to overthinking a problem to the point that it becomes more difficult to make a decision. It often happens when people are overwhelmed by their choices or have too much information to sort through before they make a choice.
In short, you are doing so much thinking and planning that when you need to do the real work, you can’t because you’re overwhelmed by how much you’ve already done.
I think it is a combination of these two factors that leads to the heartbreaking posts from new writers who have spent months, or even years, daydreaming about their characters and planning their book, but then find themselves completely unable to work. They have rehearsed everything so much that now they have no motivation to continue.
But I’m not telling you to completely give up on outlining.
Planning is good, but not good when you become so rigidly obsessed with your outline that you can’t feel creative: now you’re just following orders you gave yourself and providing no space for different execution.
So, as with everything, whether that is descriptive density or characterization, you need to come to balance. How are we going to do that?
For this method, you will have a long outline and a fast outline. The long outline is where you get out every single thing that you want to include in a given scene, chapter, etc. Anything that you know you may want to have happen, you put it here.
As an example, here is part of the long outline I did for my story “Midsummer Nightmare.” This is from Chapter 7.
The words here don’t really matter, so don’t strain your eyes. You just need to see that it’s pretty long, a page for one chapter. I’ve mentioned the conversations, the way that everyone acts, their specific movements that show their emotions, a few snippets of what I intend to write, etc. All very helpful: I can see exactly how the story is going to go.
However, if I work off this, I don’t really have much room for creative freedom. It will feel like I’m plugging in piece after piece, line after line. I may even find myself tempted to tell rather than show because I can no longer visualize things other than what I have already told myself.
When beta reading, I can tell who used long outlines; their sentences read as if they are ripped straight off their planning document. Do not do that. Unless you have written a specific phrase in quotes that you want to use, or a really good piece of dialogue, follow this adage:
What goes in your outline stays in your outline.
You’re not using any of that; it serves as a reminder of what you actually want to write. So, now that you have things set up for yourself (but not written), you want something faster that will not stymie your creative process.
Next, make a fast outline that has only the most relevant plot points.
Much better: only a quarter of a page. I don’t have the action beat for beat, so I know I have to make it up myself in the actual writing. None of this reads as something that would actually happen in the real text (at least, I hope not) because it’s so boring and straightforward.
There are no showing details, almost no dialogue, no real feel for how the scene plays out. Now I feel like I have to get it done myself.
Because this fast outline only covers the most general of plot points, you might not include things that you really wanted to add in there, specifically regarding tension, setting, and so on. Thankfully, you’ve got it right there for you in your long outline, which you can scurry back to if you don’t know what to do next.
Sometimes we set things aside for a while and come back utterly bewildered about what we were trying to do, which is where the longer outline comes in.
We can refamiliarize ourselves with what we wanted to do, then put the long outline aside and turn back to the fast outline. This way, we’re not being tricked into thinking we’ve already done all the work.
I have already finished drafting the second book in my trilogy and outlined the third, but I have now hop-skipped back to the first one, tweaking details before I start querying in earnest. To be quite honest, I’ve already forgotten half the stuff that happens in the second book, and the third is just a hazy memory.
But that’s okay! When I’m finally ready to work on Plexity, the third installment, I have my long outline right there. I’ll then cut it down, just as I did before, and I will have a good working knowledge of how I want to proceed.
Many times, the long outline works as a type of “background program” as you write. You have the details in your head, but you’re not staring at them while you work, meaning you’re not tempted to copy-paste them right into your document.
Okay … I hear you complaining right about now.
“But Cameron, that’s so much extra work! Why not have only the short outline in the first place?”
Sure, it is a bit extra work: removing lines from the long outline, deciding what is so essential that you need to have it available to you, and checking back in with the long outline if you really have to.
However, this way fights the pesky mental rehearsing while still allowing you to plan ahead.
You get to meticulously plan without overwhelming yourself. You have some of the freedom that pantsers enjoy, but you also get the comfort of outlining – without sacrificing motivation.
A lot of times, I do the long outline and then never look at it again; I’ve memorized most of what I want to do and can follow the short outline. However, because I don’t have my full plans right there to review, I don’t feel like I’ve already done the work: I know I need to actually write the real thing.
This method works well for those who get anxious about the idea of pantsing but struggle to retain their motivation once they’ve completed their outline. It’s also great for those who have spent a lot of time analyzing and daydreaming about their work, to the point where they don’t even feel they need to write it.
If you often find yourself paralyzed after planning, consider double outlining.
Double outlines are simple and effective. Though they may seem like they take much more work than just a short outline, it’s actually not that hard to distill your plans into a brief. In fact, many use a similar method for developing their synopsis before they start to write, allowing them the freedom to cut everything down before they try to query.
Of course, no tool works for everyone. If you try this and don’t like it, you have my blessing to never do it again. Everyone is different, which is why writing is such a wonderful craft!
Knowing that there are other strategies can be incredibly helpful if you’re new to writing and have no idea where to start. I’m always happy to share, and I hope you get some benefit from dipping your toe into double outlining.
You don’t need to have magic to have fantasy, but it certainly makes things more fun in your book.
Throughout this guide, I’ll be referencing several magic systems, but I’ll also be relying a lot on my own system, High Poetry. That’s because, well, I know it better than any other magic system because I made it up.
Being the most famous living fantasy author (other than some shitty ones we don’t want to talk about), Brandon Sanderson has excellent advice on how to develop nearly everything for a fantasy world. Truly, his social media and blog are an absolute treasure trove of advice.
While they’re called three rules, Sanderson takes pains to mention that they’re merely guidelines; indeed, they’re a bit vague in some ways.
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An author’s ability to solve conflict with magic is directly proportional to how well the reader understands said magic.
Magic with vague definitions or “it can do anything, really” isn’t interesting. While you don’t need to put down 1000 rules for how the magic works, the reader should have a general idea of how it functions, what it can and can’t do, and so on.
Otherwise, this nebulous magic becomes a deus ex machina that fixes everything and the characters don’t need to do anything. That’s no fun.
For example, look at the magic in The Lord of the Rings. It doesn’t really do that much – in fact, magic mostly causes problems rather than solving them. Most of the everyday stuff is done the normal way: hacking peoples’ heads off or shooting them. It’s background dressing to make things seem more awe-inspiring.
I did not like The Atlas Six, but I will admit that the magic system was quite well-defined, and thus it can be used to fix or break things. Everyone has their own specific specialties, and they don’t stray out of those boundaries. I just feel like the author didn’t do enough with those things and focused more on petty high school conflict rather than really showing off the power.
Probably because it was originally a Dramoine fanfic. Gag.
Back to a good author who writes good things. From that wiki, I really liked this specific quote.
“Hard magic” on the other hand has rules explicitly described by the author, meaning that the reader can understand the magic so that solving problems with it doesn’t seem to “mystically make everything better”. Instead, it’s the characters’ wit and experience that solves the problems.
This fits relatively well with my own magic system. High Poets commune with their goddess and write a poem, which can only be used once, to fit the circumstances. It has to be recited on the fly; everything comes down to the poet’s skill in developing something beautiful that also does the required task. The supplicant must impress the goddess and demonstrate why their request is important, hence the need for a pretty poem.
Limitations are what make a magic system interesting. Endless power that fixes everything immediately removes all conflicts, and then there’s no reason for anyone to do anything without magic.
This is why you often see elemental magic, like in Avatar: The Last Airbender. It only works on air, or water, or fire, or earth, or whatever. Not only does this allow cooperation between different groups, but it also keeps characters from getting too overpowered.
When it’s not clear if something will work or if the plan is clever enough, then the reader is kept wondering about the outcome and wants to see what happens.
High Poetry also has a few limitations that are more well-defined than how it works. These include:
Cannot be used as mind control on higher-order animals (dogs, cats, wolves, bears, humans, etc)
Cannot be used to fix the human psyche
Every poem can only be used once
Is limited by how much strength and skill the poet has
Can only be used in close proximity to the poet herself
This means that it’s often restricted to working on the environment or on small parts of the human body (not the mind). For example, one can use High Poetry to knock down a tree, or build a house, or enchant a sword at a time.
Because of these limitations, High Poets must use their critical thinking skills to decide if, when, and how to use their training.
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Expand on what you have already, before you add something new.
Sanderson’s quote here exactly matches how I also feel about magic systems.
“A brilliant magic system for a book is less often one with a thousand different powers and abilities — and is more often a magic system with relatively few powers that the author has considered in depth.”
One magic ability can actually be far more interesting than several if you’re able to demonstrate how it has impacted all of society.
High Poetry is central to Breme’s entire existence. Not only was it the reason the country was founded, but the High Poet Society is intertwined with commerce, religion, and government.
In some ways, relying on magic has kept Breme from advancing scientifically because they focus so much of their energy on doing what the High Poets can do. We see this starting in the fifth book, Absent All Light, where we learn that other countries have developed solar power but Breme has not. They have also remained isolated from other countries because they’re like “who needs friends when you have magic?”
I could have had Sina have its own warring magic system, but I didn’t want to. Rather, I wanted to see what happens when a highly religious, magic-infused society butts heads with an atheistic, technologically advanced one.
Okay, so now that we’ve gone over some rules, let’s look at different dimensions of magic systems that can spice up your work.
These are not the end-all-be-all, but considering these elements may help you define your magic system, including its greater context in the world.
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Soft versus Hard
Softmagic is typically background magic, like levitating books, talking familiars, etc. You see it a lot in cozy fantasy, where it adds whimsy without necessarily solving anything. Terry Pratchett, while not necessarily cozy fantasy, used a lot of soft magic that simply exists without explanation for extra fun.
Hard magic has defined rules and is used to form the plot. Brandon Sanderson mostly uses hard magic, where we know what the limitations are and understand how it works. In many ways, hard magic works more like technology.
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Religious/Organized versus Elemental
Religious or organizedmagic is pretty self-explanatory: the power source is probably a god or another deified force. It’s more likely to be a closed system (more on that in a minute), and people who use it will belong to a specific group.
Elemental magic is simply part of how the world works, like gravity. Maybe some people are born with it, or some people can acquire it through hard work or serendipity. We don’t ask where it comes from and don’t need to know.
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Open versus Closed Systems
Open systems can be used by anyone who chooses to learn the skill. There may be institutions that teach people how to harness their innate power or learn the incantations through hard work. Think like wizards; anyone could be a wizard if they want to.
Closed systems are only open to certain people, whether they are natural-born magicians or have taken a vow of service. The magic secrets may be closely guarded, and there will be an aura of mystery around its workings.
High Poetry is a closed system: you are either born with it or you spend years learning how to do it, then undergo a brutal initial (the Sigillum) that bonds you to the goddess Poesy forever. You have to be accepted by an elder, skilled poet before you can even start training. It’s not open to the general public and never to men.
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Caste versus Public
This has more to do with how the magic system will impact society at large rather than the individual users.
A caste system has magic users who are part of a special class and considered separate from everyone else. There is likely a broad societal impact, where magic users are either elevated above others or are considered scary outcasts. Think like the mutants in X-Men.
Public systems will not have much social stratification based on magical status. While some people may be more talented than others, it’s expected that everyone will have a few tricks. Magic will be seen as commonplace, and those who can’t use magic for whatever reason will probably be shunned.
Now before you complain – it would be possible to mix and match open/closed plus caste/public.
For example, you can have an open caste magic system. This would be like career magicians, who had to go through years of study before they could learn the skill. There might be laws governing who can use magic, such as a licensing process where you can get your magic taken away somehow. Theoretically anyone could do it, just like anyone could be a doctor, but not everyone wants to go through the training and have that responsibility.
It would also be possible to have a closed public system. This would be something like where some people have “mild” magical abilities that aren’t treated much differently than, say, being able to wiggle your ears or whistle.
They may even be treated like petty annoyances: “Oh, damnit, Susanna turned into a rabbit again, and on the first day of school, too. Go get the witch doctor, please.”
In this example, the magic skills are innate, but they also don’t result in anything more than mild bullying or a bit of awkwardness.
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Chaotic versus Systematic
Chaotic magic will often have unintended side effects or cannot be easily predicted. Wielding it depends on the user’s skill and wit. Different incantations may work differently based on things like the moon phase, the user’s emotional state, the overall circumstances, and so on. This could be comedic or tragic based on your subgenre. (High Poetry is a chaotic and, at times, tragic system.)
Systematic magic is predictable, though users must decide how to apply the magic and in what circumstance. You may have a list of predefined spells that work for certain things. Think like Harry Potter spells.
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These Rules and Qualifications Allow for a Broad Range of Magical Systems
By toggling these different switches, you can create a magic system that is all your own.
For example, imagine these qualities:
Soft: It is used as background information and doesn’t usually solve problems.
Elemental: Magic is a natural part of life and not questioned.
Open: Anyone can use it, though their skill will vary.
Public: This is a well-recognized and accepted part of society.
Chaotic: It is skill-based and can backfire.
This would be a great system for a fun, lighthearted cozy fantasy – and it would have far-reaching ramifications for society. I can think of some wonderful possibilities for this specific system:
Magic is highly regulated and there are a ton of laws governing its usage.
There’s a magical police department meant to track down infractions and fine malcontents depending on the severity.
Mischievous people take to forums to share tricks.
There might even be a type of sovereign citizen movement that’s all about “life hacks” around evading capture.
Magical history and usage is an important class in school. Children complain about having to turn in assignments on Magical Ethics.
Pharmacies and grocery stores sell “magic enhancement” pills and potions (that probably don’t work).
Magic manuals abound and are highly popular.
Everyday life is all about evading peoples’ rampaging familiars, complaining when the rain gets turned into pudding for the third time that week, and hiring Magic Catchers who exterminate magical experiments that went awry.
Or, we can go for an entirely different vibe, like this:
Hard: There are clear rules, consequences, and limits for magic.
Religious: The magic is provided by a deity.
Closed: The system must be acquired or taught.
Caste: Only certain people can use it, such as those who were born into witch families.
Systematic: Spells have been handed down for generations and always work the exact same way, but you must have the innate power and the faith to use it.
This could work well for a sword-and-sorcery type of story, an epic adventure. You might have a young magic user who is being taught how to harness their power from an elder in order to use it against a powerful enemy. Some elements could include:
Magic users are rare and feared. They may be persecuted and may have to hide their skills.
Magical tomes are passed down throughout the generations. Maybe they are in a different language that hasn’t been translated perfectly, introducing bugs into the system despite its structured nature.
Users are fervently devoted to their deity and may be seen by outsiders as a type of cult.
Because it is rarer, not everyone will believe in the magic, especially if it is never publicly displayed due to fear of persecution.
Users spend a long time learning the limitations, the spells, and the proper application of their magic.
The users may be close-knit, which can lead to interpersonal fallouts if people don’t get along. There may be rival clans trying to destroy one another.
Some knowledge may be lost over the ages, requiring careful study or long journeys to recapture it.
When you build a magic system, you’ll need to prod a bit into it. Here are some questions to get you started developing your system.
What can the magic be used on? Are there different types that different people can learn?
What are the limitations of the magic? Do they change based on a user’s skill or are they hard-wired into the system?
What are the ramifications of using magic? Can it backfire, hurt the user, drain their strength?
Where does the magic system come from? Who provides the power? Is it the earth itself, cosmic energy, a specific deity?
Who uses it? Are there different levels of magic available to different people?
Is there a religious element to the magic or is it secular? Have people developed cults around the magic?
How does one acquire the skill? Is it innate, taught, a bit of both?
If the skill is taught, is there an initiation ritual? What does this involve? What do people think about it?
How is the magic performed? Do users say incantations, come up with their own spells, pray to their deity, or draw up power from the earth?
What is magically typically used on? Do people use it to grow more crops, build things, heal people, destroy things?
How does the public view the magic? Is it seen as a special and highly sought-after skill? Is it commonplace and uninteresting, a background hum in life? Is it scary, threatening, or outlawed?
What impact does magic have on society as a whole? Are magic users prominent in public life, or are they reclusive? Are there laws governing magic?
Are there mores and social contracts around magic? Have people gone rogue and used their power to hurt others?
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I adore a well-thought-out magic system; it’s the main draw to fantasy for me. However, a good magic system must be coherent, or you’re running into Mary Sue territory. People whipping spells out of nowhere or suddenly gaining powers that don’t make sense will frustrate readers, and they will lose faith in your writing ability.
You don’t need a million rules for your system; a bit of mystery can be fun and force readers to think harder. All you need is to demonstrate that magic has limits, is well-integrated into the world, and can solve (or create) problems that users must overcome.
When you have all those elements in place, you’ve hit the jackpot. Happy spellcasting!
Now that we’ve gotten through Funeral of Hopesand have seen (or heard of) nearly every important Bremish locale in the series, it’s time to take a closer look at each of these places. Here’s a quick guide to all the most essential spots!
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Bewerian
Blessed Bewerian was a High Poet known for a unique ability: using poetry to compel truth from any liar. To capitalize on this trust, the budding Bremish government turned a sleepy town into a bustling metropolis astride the Great Gold River.
Over time, they built the Bremish Council, an imposing brown headquarters for the eponymous government system. The Bremish Council adjoins the War Committee, demonstrating the tight bond between political savvy and military strength.
While much of the capital’s commerce takes place across Mermina’s Bridge, in Goldnin, there are plenty of merchants and vendors there to feed those visiting from further afield. Bewerian is known for being a loud, overwhelming place, stuffed with tourists there to admire the lovely architecture designed by High Poets.
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Goldnin
Gritty Goldnin may not really be the capital, but it serves as the heart of Breme’s populace: a place packed with shops, bars, and training centers. This is where Uileac Korviridi, Orrinir Relickim, and Cerie Korviridi live in a home made by Cerie’s fellow poets.
The town is bolstered by two large buildings on opposite ends of the town. One, the War Academy, houses both the Bremish Army and those still in training on either side of the building. This magnificent structure is ringed by barracks, mostly for single men, and townhouses, for military families who cannot afford more expansive property.
At Goldnin’s other axis is the Goldnin meronym, where the High Poet Society works to train its students and study the whims of Poesy. This is the largest and most important meronym in Breme, known for producing the finest poets. Cerie is one such pupil, and she indeed lives up to the expectations, though it takes her some time to grow into her powers.
The meronym is one of the tallest buildings in town; its library is a full three stories, and its Recitation Hall has soaring ceilings that invoke awe in all who visit.
Many say that the Goldnin meronym was built so far away from the Bremish Council and War Committee to show them that though the military and government may rely on High Poetry, Poesy does not bow to them.
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Capitol Defensive Wall
In Funeral of Hopes, we see Uileac steeling himself to pass through the Capitol Defensive Wall. It is mentioned that the defensive wall hums with unspoken magic, echoing the chants of High Poets who prayed over its creation.
Both Bewerian and Goldnin are surrounded by the Capitol Defensive Wall, a barrier infused with High Poetry to repel the Sinans. This wall was crafted after the Sinans raided the country on Burning Day, razing the countryside and marching toward Bewerian. While it is bisected by the Great Gold River, great care has been taken to create a spiritual ‘net’ that closes the gap.
None are quite sure whether this truly works, as it has never been tested before. However, its side effect is a sense of unease that can drive horses mad and send them screaming for the hills.
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Quirnis
This rundown farming village was once a vibrant community – before the Sinans invaded and slaughtered most of the residents, including Cerie and Uileac’s parents. Now, it is a shell of its former self, going to ruin amongst the vines and wild goats.
Burnt carcasses of homes are slowly crumbling into the soil, while the lush fields are overrun with funeral cairns and wild plants. Only a few brave old-timers remain, though they see an influx of mourners every year around Burning Day.
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Great Gold River
The luscious Great Gold River is so named because it comes from the Gold Cascade high in the Rimuk Mountains. From there, it tears through the steppes, splits Bewerian from Goldnin, and waters endless cropland before petering out deep in the Windswept region.
Along the way, it is crossed by small footbridges, but its greatest architectural marvel is Saint Mermina’s Bridge, which connects the capital city with its suburb. This is named for Saint Mermina, the first Inculcated Poet who was trained by the famous Saint Luridalr herself.
It’s said that during a severe drought, Saint Mermina called upon Poesy to fill the Great Gold River, and a slot-shaped rainstorm came to the peoples’ aid. This miraculous feat is celebrated by the Feast of Saint Mermina in late summer, where people make flower dolls and throw them from the bridge. Hardy swimmers will dive in, hoping to catch these votives and hang them up as decorations.
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Rimuk Mountains
This strange barrier is composed of almost entirely vertical cliffs. While fleeing from invaders with the Seinn tribe, Saint Luridalr prayed for a “shroud” that would protect her people from their pursuers. Taking pity on the maiden, Poesy threw up a mountain range, forever segmenting the future Bremish from their neighbors.
As the mountains were created by their country’s founder, the Bremish are loath to sully the mountains with architecture; everything, from the boulders to the caverns below, are taboo. The near-vertical cliffs are almost impossible to climb anyway, making it infeasible that anyone without powered flight could reach past them.
However, this doesn’t stop the Sinans from attempting, time and time again. They have even hammered a defensive tower into the tallest mountain, Mt. Luridalr, in hopes of advancing their aims. This only adds to the emnity between the countries; whereas one sees a sacred, protective force, the other sees a nuisance.
Full-scale invasion is almost impossible, as is regular travel between the two countries. Still, it’s possible for one or two brave individuals, or a small squadron, to creep under the mountains and explore the other side.
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Rimuk Pass
This doorway-shaped pass is where Saint Luridalr and her tribespeople stood when Poesy brought up the mountains. Over the centuries, it has become a chokepoint for battle between the nations, fortified and covered over with endless layers of stone. Nearly every confrontation between Breme and Sina takes place here, as the rest of the mountain range is almost impossible to traverse.
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Gold Cascade
The powerful Gold Cascade surges from atop the Rimuk Mountains, though no one is quite sure where it emerges or how it is fed. Its source is too high up for anyone but the most daring – or stupid – to find.
At its foot sits a small lake called the Scrying Pool, which serves much like a drowning machine. The force of the water has carved out deep underwater chasms in the softer rock; wild and unpredictable currents can shove a drowning person into one of these pockets, where they can’t escape. At the surface, though, it appears much smaller and calmer than what rages below, which can tempt the ignorant into taking a dip.
Folk wisdom says that the Scrying Pool has killed everyone who has stepped foot in its depths and that hundreds of bodies lurk below, forever trapped in the pitch-black crags. Few have ever attempted to find out the truth behind this, instead giving it a respectful berth. Still others whisper that if one should look deep into that strangely calm water, they may see the souls of the dead crying for help – or receive miraculous visions of Poesy’s whims.
The first few leagues after the Scrying Pool are called the Little Gold River, as the river runs sideways and appears much shallower than it really is. Later, it widens into the familiar Great Gold River, which is much safer to cross.
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Cave of All Fallen
This mythical cave is believed to be deep under the Rimuk Mountains, a place no living soul can enter. It is here where the spirits of dead Bremish people sleep until the end of the world in an endless dream-stasis, guarded by the Five Bremish Saints.
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Dropbone Caverns
As the Rimuk Mountains were brought up in one cataclysmic event, it produced deep fracture caves that transect its entire bulk. No one is quite sure how far they extend, as many of the first explorers were killed when walking off ledges they could not see in the dark. The lucky survivors skurried from the caverns terrified, babbling about the sounds of the mountains settling in above them.
Several underground rivers only make the terrain more treacherous, as they have carved ever-deeper canyons down below. These are the reason that the Dropbone Caverns are said to be the location of the mythical Cave of All Fallen; the burbling water can appear to be souls whispering in the underworld.
Access to the Dropbone Caverns is strictly regulated; all entrances have been closed off with heavy iron doors. The Bremish Army sporadically searches the area for missed entryways and has even set up traps to catch unsuspecting traffickers or trespassers. However, since they aren’t always on patrol, it’s more likely that a visitor will die of starvation or madness before they’re ever discovered.
The only other permitted visitors are High Poets there to offer alms to the dead or to call upon the saints for guidance. In an interesting reversal of the usual order, even they must ask for permission from the Bremish Army, but this is for their own safety.
There have been rumblings that the Sinans have begun mapping and exploring these caverns, but most dismiss that as impossible.
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Vercingetorix
Those who visit Vercingetorix will note that the town is composed of rickety homes and shops teetering precariously atop boulders. This Bremish border town was previously destroyed during a manmade avalanche, triggered by a Sinan queen to demoralize the townsfolk. Rather than being deterred, the people rebuilt their homes on the sacred stones blasted down from the Rimuk Mountains, sometimes on top of their destroyed dwellings.
The town is named after Blessed Vercingetorix, a High Poet renowned for enchanting arrows with a sickness to kill countless Sinans. For her trouble, she was captured by the enemy and tortured to death. Her intact fingernails, with their mysterious sigils, are kept in a reliquary inside the Vercingetorix meronym, renowned for its healers.
Other than the meronym, Vercingetorix also has a military outpost nestled against the entrance to Dropbone Caverns, which is closely guarded by the Bremish military. The outpost is known both for its cave rescuers, who retrieve those foolish enough to trespass, and its interrogators, who capture stray Sinan soldiers for intel.
The other point of interest in Vercingetorix is Quillstone, a shop run by the meronym’s High Poets. Here, shoppers can purchase enchanted weapons, commission poetry-infused homes, or buy medicinal treatments for common ailments.
Many buy wish bugs, which are squat clay statues with big beady eyes and wide lips. While the best wish bugs are made by the supplicant, who press a votive inside while the clay cures, others will purchase a ready-made wish bug and paste their wish inside. The High Poets will then offer a specialized poem based on the user’s desire. These are not really magical, but they comprise an important folk custom in the region.
Funds raised from Quillstone’s wares are donated to the meronym, used for medical supplies and the High Poets’ daily needs.
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Cachaille
During the earliest days of Bremish history, a naturally triggered rockslide almost destroyed this tiny town. A Bestowed Poet named Cachaille happened to be passing through the area and used her High Poetry to protect the villagers’ homes, though she was ultimately crushed by a massive boulder in the process. Thanks to her bravery, Cachaille was named as one of the Five Bremish Saints.
Cachaille’s bones still lay under this stone, which is situated at the center of the town square. People pray to the Holy Boulder in honor of her sacrifices.
However, there has never been a meronym in Cachaille. The High Poets remain concerned that the Rimuk Mountains are too fragile in the area and that their religious site may be destroyed again. Instead, solitary poets will visit Cachaille on pilgrimages and religous retreats.
Cerie Korviridi builds a meditation hut on the outskirts of Cachaille, one of her first major acts as a newly inculcated High Poet. This is frequented regularly by her fellow poets and, later on, becomes its own tourism site due to Cerie’s reputation.
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The Windswept
This little-explored, mysterious region is home to Breme’s native tribes – including those of the Seinn tribe, who are relatives to the famous Saint Luridalr. Here, they practice their traditional nomadic ways: traveling with the seasons in yurts and large horse herds, hunting game and foraging for their needs.
Bremish tribes don’t just have to worry about wild bears and wolves, though; the Bremish settlements have been increasingly encroaching on this territory, even though it is set aside for nomads by the Bremish Council. Unrest and even outright battles between settlers and nomads are common, and the Council Guards often intervene on behalf of the settlers instead.
Some tribes have settled into a semi-agrarian existence, such as the Hierlec. These people are best known for their delicious sheep cheeses and fine wool yarn. Others include the Mouton, who hunt and cure wild sheep, and the Towlow, who have made a name for themselves through their beautiful bone beads.
Politics. They are horrible and everyone hates them. That’s why I have an MA in International Relations.
Maybe you, like me, have decided to torment yourself by representing politics in your book. You may even be an extreme masochist and decide to have international politics.
Well, firstly, I’m sorry for your loss, and secondly, let’s do a birds-eye view of what politics really is and how to represent it in your book.
This isn’t perfect and it’s not a full-course Political Theory 101, just some ideas for political representation geared toward writers. Alas, I cannot cram my entire MA into a post.
It’s highly unlikely that you will need to elaborate all of this in your book, unless you are writing a purely political novel.
Please do not put all of this in your book. This is all about worldbuilding and can hum along in the background to create depth without boring everyone to tears.
Remember, you do not need to put every single thing that you create for your world into your book; a lot of it is just to help guide you. A few hints here and there can do a lot of work but not overwhelm the reader with things they don’t care about.
And if you are writing a purely political novel, I would hope you would not need this little overview.
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Basic theories of politics
Politics is, at its very essence, about balances and transfers of power.
This is true of every political system; the power is just distributed in different ways.
I know Wikipedia’s not an academic resource, but this page lists all the many types of government structures to give you an overview of possible systems to use. Many of these can be mixed and matched; for example, you can have a representative democratic system that also has a monarch as a figurehead, like Great Britain.
Or you can have a “shadow” theocracy where a religious community has the greatest influence over government, even as the government claims to be a republic with representation from each region of the country.
Power shifts can come from a variety of sources, both internal and external.
If you’re looking at international relations, the power balance inside one country is easily impacted by the balances in other countries, especially if that other country has greater influence.
For example, assume one government has decided to wage war against another country, but they’re getting their asses kicked. Because war is expensive and people may have had to send their beloved children off to fight in another country, a government that can’t get the job done quickly and easily is very vulnerable to a popular uprising. This will then weaken them and cause them to lose the war.
Or, let’s say that one country has won a war, but in doing so, they have created a power vacuum as some of their greatest generals were killed. Now another country can exploit that weakness through espionage, soft power, or even bullying the country through the guise of “peace.”
Revolutions can also be contagious, even in an era without social media. If a neighboring country has an uprising, unless all countries are totally cut off from one another, citizens of other countries will see what’s happening and take a good hard look at their own conditions. Then they may overthrow their own government and look to examples of others nearby to see what to do next.
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Politicaldecisions are about satisficing.
Satisficing means choosing the most optimal solution from an array of choices, most of which will involve some loss. No solution is perfect, and all require sacrifice.
A good leader must decide how much loss they are willing to take and what will lead to the least amount of harm for their people.
And what appears to be the optimal solution may have unforeseen side effects that could cause even greater harm.
For example, appeasing an aggressive nation right now might stop potential war, but it could also allow the enemy to become emboldened and strike later with greater force.
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What a country funds tells you what it values.
Pretty simple. A government has only so much money to go around and only so many resources to distribute it. If a country spends, oh, 13.3% of its entire budget on military spending, we can kind of assume that they don’t care particularly much about their people.
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You are a victim of government propaganda whether you recognize it or not.
How you perceive the world has been subtly or not-so-subtly shaped by the government your entire life. Sometimes, this is a positive thing, like Public Safety Campaigns that tell you not to drown yourself or how not to die in the worst ways imaginable.
Other times, the government is telling you who and what to value by the way that it forms public opinion, what it funds or doesn’t, or what opinions it allows to be seen.
Here are just some of the many, many ways that you are indoctrinated, for good or worse, your entire life.
Government regalia and rituals. Listen to your national anthem. What does it say about your government? What’s the state animal? What does that say about your country? Do you have to do a pledge of allegiance?
School curriculums, particularly state and world history. What are children taught? How is it framed? What’s emphasized and what isn’t?
Benefits programs. What are the means-testing processes for these programs? Who can receive it and who can’t? How are they framed in public discourse?
Infrastructure. What areas get roads? Where do those roads go? Who gets electricity first during a blackout? Who gets public transit? These are what the country considers the most important.
Government departments. Which departments are the government’s darlings, allowed any funding they want? Which ones are fighting for their lives all the time? Which ones are seen as inept or efficient? This tells you what the government values and, therefore, what you are expected to value.
State interference in the media. We all know by now that the Department of Defense spends millions of dollars a year to glamorize the US military. But think deeper. What press outlets get a seat at the table for government conferences? Why or why not?
Public Service Announcements. Look closely at the the types of Public Service Announcements you see. Who is represented and why? Where are these PSAs placed? Who sees them and who doesn’t?
State-funded news outlets. Are there any state-funded news outlets? What do they say? How do they frame issues? How independent are they perceived to be by the public?
Government discussions around foreign powers. Who is your country’s enemy? What does the government say about that country? Why are they considered an enemy? How is this country portrayed in the media, in popular culture, in press conferences? Is any of that true?
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Government Systems
Government systems represent the history of a nation as much as the present.
Much as it would be fantastic if government systems kept up with the times cough cough America cough cough, in many ways, they are a time capsule of what a country used to be rather than what it is now.
This is because most governments have checks and balances in place to prevent rapid change and protect the equilibrium of the system; otherwise, they are vulnerable to coups and can be wiped away in an instant.
They also grow out of certain necessities and are shaped by their culture. So, for example, in my own world, Breme is a republic that has representatives from the different provinces and the tribespeople that make up part of the country. This is because the country started as a collection of disparate tribes that were forced out of their homeland and had to coexist in the smaller space they now controlled.
Tribal leaders would meet to discuss the welfare of their tribes and, as the centuries passed, this coalesced into a large council with sorta-representative figureheads for each area of the country.
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Geography also plays a role in a government system.
Smaller countries are more likely to have a highly centralized power system because, well, it’s easier and simpler. When most of the populace is close to the capital, you don’t need a lot of goverment mouthpieces spread out through the region, and it wastes precious resources to do so.
A large, spread-out country is going to need a more elaborate system of government representatives in each region, which is how you get republics with intricate local governments.
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Large-scale representative and democratic governments are a relatively new invention.
Now, it is true that there are small historical societies, mostly tribes, that did practice forms of democracy, but these were small.
Democracy as we know it now has only come about in the last 300ish years. So if you have a medieval society, it’s very unlikely that you’d have a democracy.
If you want to figure out how to make it that work in a fantasy novel, go off, but it might be challenging depending on the history of your world.
For example, is most of society functionally illiterate? Very unlikely that you’ll have powerful people willing to let the masses participate.
Is this a huge empire made of multiple tribes and societies absorbed into the hegemon? Well, even less likely you’ll have a democracy, as the empire wouldn’t want these smaller protectorates getting too feisty, am I right?
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International Relations
A good international system relies on sovereignty.
Note that I say a good international system, not necessarily the one that we have in our modern world.
Sovereignty basically means that each government has the right to self-administer within reason. Of course, if they turn machine guns on their citizens and violate human rights, then it is a moral imperative to intervene.
If they are not doing that, then other countries (theoretically) do not have the right to force regime change just because they don’t like it. This does not mean that certain countries cough cough America cough cough don’t do that, simply that they are not supposed to.
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International relations requires a blend of cooperation, aggression, and deterrence.
Even in a system where it appears that the girls are fightingggg, there is still some cooperation going on with someone because warfare is expensive. (We will put aside the United States post WWII for the moment because that is a whole other issue.)
When two countries have no diplomatic relations, they are still cooperating with someone to get messages through. We see that with the US and North Korea; the US relies on Sweden and some other states as a mediator when dealing with North Korea. There’s many of these triangulations that occur, particularly in regions with a lot of hostility.
A well-functioning country must decide when to use the carrot, when to use the stick, and when to sit back and hope no one bombs them during tense situations. The world is an interconnected system, so it behooves a government to improve trade relations, protect their borders, and ensure no one violates their sovereignty.
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Governments use both hard and soft power to control their own people and shift international balances in their favor.
Hard power is exactly what you would expect: your ability to bankrupt another country or bomb them into oblivion. That includes some of the following elements.
Police forces
Military investments
Blockades or outright warfare
Provision or withdrawal of trade agreements
Trade embargoes and tariffs
Directly manipulating the economic system of another country through investments or removal of investments
Soft power is about persuasion rather than coercion: building a positive reputation for your country and making people want to work with you. This often involves cultural exchanges, media, and “philanthropy” on behalf of the country, such as the following.
Work visas
Tourism agencies
Economic funds or microloans
Conferences and consortiums
Supporting non-governmental organizations
Colleges and universities, particularly with student visas
Entertainment industries, including literature, movies, and music
State-funded study abroad scholarships, either welcoming students or sending citizens abroad
Cultural exchanges, like state-funded dance troops traveling the world
In Ye Olden Dayes, marriages between nobles or royals to create greater political alliances
While hard power is more obvious, and therefore more discussed, soft power is more diffuse and more prevalent.
For example, what do you think of when you think about China? You probably think of Chinese food, ancient culture, dances, pretty bridges, the Great Wall, etc. Those are the first things to come to mind, even if you know more about the country.
After that, you might talk about how they have a socialist system, execute billionaires (rad!), and invest a lot in public infrastructure.
But what you first think about is a conscious choice by the Chinese government to fund certain cultural schemes, influencing how people see their country and what they associate with it.
Every country does this. The Nordic countries represent themselves as a clean, peace-loving people; Japan represents itself as a forward-thinking yet traditional society that has massive technological innovation. And those things can certainly be true, but they have also been pushed as the narrative for said country, with more unpleasant things swept under the rug.
Soft power has become much more difficult for countries to manage now in the world of social media, but it still holds an important role, and it certainly would be more powerful in certain eras, particularly before people could instantly get information from anywhere in the world on their phones.
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Every government on Earth engages in espionage.
Yes, I know you think of the CIA, MI7, and so on, but these are just the ones that are more well-known. Every government wants advance knowledge of other countries’ behavior so that they can make rational decisions in the best interest of their people.
In the modern world, this looks a lot more like hacking rather than the ol’ cloak-and-dagger stuff, but that also happens too.
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Politics Gone Bad
Political theory is based on rational actors, which does not always reflect reality.
If you’ve ever wondered why Trump took everyone by surprise, it’s because of this idea of rational actors. This is an almost delusionally optimistic belief that every politician or government will do things that are based on pragmatic decision-making.
These decisions may not necessarily be the best ones, but with a rational actor, those decisions will be reasonable and based on a solid thought processs.
The underpinnings of this decision could be self-interest on the part of the leader, national defense, expansionism, public welfare, or staying neutral during a war. But it’s a reasonable decision based on the information the leader had at the time.
As such, when an irrational actor joins the system, this assumption goes out the window, and now no one knows what the hell to do anymore. Dangerous and scary.
Alas, I think we’re going to see far more irrational actors with the creeping age of politicians, especially in the United States. Someone with dementia is not going to make rational decisions because they can’t anymore.
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What a government claims to be and what it really is are not always the same thing.
The label slapped onto a given government system does not always elucidate how power actually works in the country. This can be due for a variety of reasons:
Rampant (and sometimes government-sanctioned) corruption has overtaken the system
The goverment was set up in such a way that it cannot be easily changed, leading to archaic structures that no longer reflect reality
Migration patterns or demographic changes mean that the government no longer reflects its populace
In an autocracy, an uprising has made the current leader unpopular and though they continue to cling to power, the real political work is done beyond their purview
The government was made to reflect an ideal that is not being played out in the actual system
There are more potential reasons, of course. You have a lot to play around with here.
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Corruption is present in all governments; it is the form and prevalence that matters.
Governments are made of people, and people can be shitty. A good government has systems in place to equalize power and prevent bad actors from taking over, but it can never fully eradicate corruption.
Situations outside of government, such as poverty or famine, can also worsen corruption even in systems that have robust anti-corruption safeguards.
What does corruption look like, exactly? There are quite a few different forms.
Government interceding on the behalf of specific private actors, especially when based on personal relationships
Lobbying by large corporations or industries
Bribes, such as if someone slides a bit of money under the table to get a worker to complete an illegal task
“Grease payments,” which are bribes given to get work visas, permits, etc, faster
Propanganda to push governmental interests, particularly in the private sphere
Using the military or police to suppress unpopular opinions at the behest of powerful private actors
Using the media to cover up scandals, unpopular opinions, and so on
“Manufactured consent;” shifting public opinion ahead of a large event through cooperation between the public and private sphere
Insider trading between members of government and private institutions
Manipulating the stock market to advance personal interests
Offering gifts to public officials to sway their opinions
Government entities refusing to disclose conflicts of interest
Hiding information from the public that would damage a person or organization’s reputation with no genuine public safety reason to do so
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The Paradox of Tolerance is a crucial consideration for governments and politicians.
Essentially, the Paradox of Tolerance says that you cannot tolerate intolerance and must do what you can to eliminate it if you want a well-functioning system that benefits all constituents.
As soon as you get lazy, intolerant people will begin to infiltrate and make decisions to the detriment of the populace.
There you have it! I hope this has given you some plot worms you can cultivate into a bountiful harvest.
This is an expansion of a post I previously wrote on Tumblr back in July 2024, with additional examples and a few new sections. Enjoy!
The original post came about when I remembered the most terrifying description I’d ever read. It wasn’t bad, or even horror. It was well written.
However. The POV character described his sister in a way akin to this (my recreation, not the actual text):
Braden met his sister at the gate. They’d been apart for several years, and in that time, she had truly become a woman. Her curves had filled out, and her crimson silk dressed strained across her tight figure. Her raven hair shone in the late evening light, while her sapphire eyes watched him intently.
No, this wasn’t a brocon thing. The (male) writer was just horny for his female character and … kinda forgot that his MC, her brother, would not feel the same way.
Now, of course siblings growing up together are going to notice the other one maturing, but it’s not going to be … that. This is how I describe 17-year-old Uileac looking at his little sister, 13-year-old Cerie, in 9 Years Yearning:
She’d shot up in height this past year – almost as tall as him, to his dismay. Whatever they were feeding her in the meronym was quite good for her metabolism, as she’d put on a bit of healthy weight. Her cheeks were losing their baby roundness, and the autumnal light accentuated the sharp intelligence behind her green eyes.
In this description, you can feel Uileac’s paternal attitude toward his little sister. “Oh, she’s put on a bit of weight and isn’t a total twig anymore! I’m glad they’re feeding her well. Her face looks more adult. Fuck, she’s almost as tall as me now … I wish I weren’t so goddamn short ….”
This is a much more normal way for siblings to talk about each other, if a bit more Dad Mode than the typical older brother. I mean, who else is going to say “you’ve put on a bit of healthy weight?”
Siblings who grew up together are not going to say “holy shit I can really tell my sister has become a woman, wow her dress is tight over her curves.” If my brother had said that about me while we were kids, I’d throw up and dump a pot of soup over his head.
This kind of thing is generally accidental and has to do with how you feel about a character. But the thing is that even the sexiest femme fatale is just going to be Jennifer, The Stupid Annoying Sister, to their sibling. Our brains are literally wired not to see our siblings as sexy if we grew up with them.
There are many other ways that you must take perspective into consideration when writing descriptions. Here are just a few of them.
You’re going to focus on different things if you’re sexually attracted to someone; namely, you’ll focus in on things like breasts, legs, abs, etc. You’ll also likely devote more attention to describing people of your particular sexual orientation than you would one that you are not attracted to, and you will focus on different things.
This is part of why we hate “men writing women:” they describe every woman as if they want to fuck them. (See the first example.) It has to do with the places that their gazes naturally linger on any woman, which is what they consider important and what they focus on.
But the thing they miss is that just because we are sexually attracted to a specific gender does not mean we would want to bang anyone of that gender. I am a lesbian, but the way I would describe my mom or my therapist is vastly different than how I would describe a woman I am actually attracted to.
Romantic interests should get a more sexualized gaze; not exploitative, just more in-depth, and with more focus on their figure, specific details, etc. Everyone else should get a more basic look at eyes, hair color, height, build, and so on.
In my second book, Pride Before a Fall, Orrinir offers us a frankly embarrassing description of his husband’s beauty right off the bat so we are very well aware of how much of a simp he is.
Cast in the rosy sunlight of late afternoon, Uileac Korviridi’s hair became an anachronistic springtime, still green long after the grass had shriveled and the leaves turned. His peridot eyes were tight with concentration, his movements smooth and sure. The cavalryman’s coloring was so suited to the earthy hues of their beloved country, as if Breme itself adored him.
Those smooth movements like a dancer: Uileac’s scant height and whippet-slim form made him seem elfin next to the animal, though his commanding presence more than compensated for his diminutive stature. As the animal shied and pawed the ground, he sidestepped, his voice like birdsong on the hot wind.
Oh my godddd Orrinir shut uppp you’re so cringe!
A bit later in that chapter, he describes Cerie, his sister-in-law. We can see that he is nowhere near as attracted to Cerie as he is Uileac because of the way he glosses over most of her form.
Beyond the paddock, the back door flung open, framing his slim sister-in-law busy wiping her hands on a towel. After a pause, the towel dropped to the brown paving stones and the young woman flew toward the pine fence, her mint hair flapping and her green eyes wide with shock.
We just get the barest descriptions of her: she’s slim, young, with mint hair and green eyes. It’s clear that Orrinir does not really care about her physical form, and he’s just noting the basics. Even the part about her being slender tells us a bit about what he’s seeing because her silhouette won’t take up a lot of space.
You’re going to be more forgiving and complimentary toward someone you care about than someone you hate. Things that would be charming on a friend will be downright annoying on that one asshole at work who always throws projects to you at 5pm on a Friday.
A lover’s thick eyebrows might be called “dashing” or “strong,” while on an enemy, they’d be “overbearing” and “harsh.” Your bestie’s lisp is cute, while it seems babyish on your school rival. Your dad’s meandering sentences give him a sense of harmless musing, but they make someone else look like an idiot.
In Pride Before a Fall, Orrinir has to interact with Lieutenant Drust, his husband’s commanding officer. From his description, we get the idea that Drust is a hardass and not very pleasant to be around.
The man turned around, and Orrinir stiffened his shoulders, hoping he did not look as intimidated as he felt. His own Infantry Lieutenant might have been curt, but he lacked those vicious purple eyes, the raffle of blond hair that had been brutally deprived of its natural curls by a helmet-like pomade sheen.
Firm and bony, as many cavalrymen were, the man had long legs, a short torso, and a red-splotched face settled atop of a veiny neck. Something of Lieutenant Drust told Orrinir that he’d have no compulsions against using a crop on his soldiers if necessary.
Describing his purple eyes as “vicious” and his face as “red-splotched” isn’t very flattering, so we get a good idea of exactly how much Orrinir dislikes this man.
Even calling him “the man” several times is sort of an insult, like Drust isn’t worth being called by his name.
You should also think of the other character’s station and how that influences how the POV character sees them. If you have a character who is prejudiced toward a given group, they are always going to describe that group more harshly than they would a favored group. If they don’t like authority figures, a police officer leaning toward them will seem menacing, when they wouldn’t even notice it otherwise.
A fun option is to give two characters similar traits but describe them differently based on the POV character’s perspective of them. Readers might not even realize that it’s the exact same physical feature!
When describing settings, we’re going to give more attention to somewhere we care about, like our home. I imagine you can tell me about every chip in the paint in your bedroom, or that one weird stain in the floorboard you’ve tried everything to fix. Many times, this is a good time to add depth to the character’s backstory by briefly mentioning previous occurrences there.
Would you notice any of those things about a place you’re visiting for the first time? Probably not. You’ll give a more global attention to the scene and provide impressions, not specifics.
Depending on how nervous or adventurous you are, you’ll look for similarities or differences to things that you’re accustomed to. You might compare it to other places you have been, trying to get a frame of reference.
If you’re on a vacation and were really looking forward to coming to this specific spot, you’ll focus on exactly what you came to see, whether that’s the scene from a particular hilltop or a cafe, and this will get the most description.
There are exceptions. The beginning of my first book, 9 Years Yearning, gives a lot of detail to the protagonist’s home because it’s the very first time they’ve stepped foot in it; the house was just built for them as a wedding present. They’re excited and curious about all the details. This is going to be a huge part of their lives for years, so, just like someone house shopping, they want to make sure they don’t miss anything.
Additionally, this is the first time that the readers get to see what a home in Breme looks like: how it differs from one in our world, what decorations it may have, and so on.
By focusing in on the details of this property, we get to learn more about the society. This doesn’t overwhelm the readers with detailed backstory or things they absolutely have to remember, but it still offers context about what kind of world Eirenen is. These concrete points bring up a vision in the reader’s mind that will influence what they believe about the setting.
Descriptions change with a character’s mood, even if they’ve been in that place a million times. If they’re happy, they’ll look for things that support that mood, while if they’re upset, they’re pointing out the negatives.
In Funeral of Hopes, we see Uileac describe the War Academy very differently depending on how he’s feeling. Here, he’s glancing over at it after visiting his parents’ grave, thinking of how his parents would feel about him being a soldier.
He sighed, his face falling as he turned his attention toward the War Academy on the other side of town. Its brown facade, swirling with images of warfare, peeped above a rabble of smooth wooden roofs; its squat tower was studded with the tiny outlines of carrier pigeons awaiting dispatch. Usually he felt so proud that it was his workplace, but on Burning Day, that self-satisfaction fell flat.
His mind focuses on the images of warfare and the carrier pigeons awaiting dispatch to different outposts, which are all reminders of his job.
In another section, he’s heading to the War Academy while feeling a bit overstimulated, so he focuses on the noisiness of the building and its general surroundings rather than its physical form.
There was the War Academy, a magnificent brown block that stared down the solemn High Poet Society meronym at the other end of town. As he came closer, the squat watchtower banged to life, a massive bronze bell competing with the meronym’s carillon. Together, they overwhelmed the shouts of playing children and the melodic screams of barkers tempting customers.
And here, he’s in a reflective mood, revisiting the schoolroom section of the building and thinking about how different it felt when he was a student there.
A whoosh of air, and they walked into the War Academy’s scholastic area. Every time he visited, it seemed smaller and shabbier, though he knew this was only his perception. Even the air smelled different: soaked in that animal tang of angsty adolescents, their multitudinous colognes.
As the War Academy is a recurring location, we need to change up our descriptions to keep readers from getting bored. I pick out one or two features of the building each time and give a brief description of that rather than going into the same details. Over time, the reader gets a complete image of what the War Academy looks like, whether it’s always crowded or quiet, and so on.
Your character’s objectives need to taken into consideration as well. As an example, remember the last time that you really needed to pee while you were out.
Were you slowly and casually admiring the scenery? No! You were hunting for the bathroom. If literally anything registered for you, it was anything that looked vaguely bathroom-sign-shaped. Everything around that bathroom sign, and on your path toward the bathroom, got more attention and description to you than anything else.
Any time that your character has an urgent need, is in a hurry, or is in extreme emotional/physical distress, tone down the scenery or people descriptions. Remember that your POV character directs us where to look, so their narration needs to tell your reader what is important in that moment.
When describing a scene, you don’t need to define every single little thing in a character’s path. It’s annoying and overwhelming. You need to give us a basic overview (it’s a forest, it’s a grocery store, it’s an abbatoir) and then home in on the specific details that your character finds interesting in order to fill out the entire scene.
We, as people, focus on things we care about, things that we feel are relevant to us. Characters are the same.
Different people will notice completely different things when they walk into the same room. An animal trainer will appreciate a big pet bed and an ergonomic food bowl. An artist will admire the artwork on the walls. A computer nerd is going to roll their eyes at the scuffed-up Mac laptop.
These little details give an Impressionist view of the whole scene, and the reader will insert whatever they feel would be there based on what you suggest. This allows your reader a bit of autonomy in defining the space, which improves their immersion because they have to think and envision for themselves.
Throughout the Eirenic Verses, we get to see Uileac, Cerie, and Orrinir’s home, but only a few details are picked out each time.
In 9 Years Yearning, we see the horseheads and crossed swords above the door because these two men are soldiers and that is what they care about.
Next, Orrinir fixates on their embroidered blankets with horses on them in Pride Before a Fall, as the book has a lot to do with horses.
Uileac is feeling insecure about their relationship in Funeral of Hopes, so there are frequent mentions of gifts the two have bought one another, a subconscious reaffirmation of Uileac’s commitment and his worry that his husband doesn’t feel the same.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t describe other things, too; it just means that your character’s attention is going to be drawn to stuff that they, in particular, like or dislike.
Things like where a character’s gaze lands, how they describe things, and how much detail they give to any particular element are an important part of secondary characterization: how we get to know a character beyond what they do or tell us. It helps to create a fuller picture of their relationships, their interests, and their thought process, and it deserves just as much attention as actions and dialogue.
While not every feast or festival shows up in the Eirenic Verses, this additional lore may be of interest to some readers, offering a deeper look into the country’s history and traditions.
Don’t worry – there’s no test, nor is this essential reading.
Feast days are typically more religious, spiritually oriented days, while other events are commemorations or seasonally related holidays.
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Newest Moon
Late winter
As Breme follows a lunar calendar, the first new moon after the last 12 new moons is considered the beginning of the next year. Bremish families will head out to watch the moon rise with warm drinks in hand. They’ll also write wishes on mulberry lanterns and release them into the sky.
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Burning Day
Early spring
A solemn day in early spring, commemorating a tragic Sinan raid. Many small farming communities were razed, their children orphaned – including Uileac Korviridiand his little sister Cerie. Those who lost loved ones will return to their graves and offer blessings. Burning Day is still remembered and honored even decades later.
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Rainbreak
Mid spring
Tremendous storms pelt Breme shortly after Burning Day, making it almost impossible to travel anywhere. High Poets bolster buildings to ensure they don’t flood and offer ceremonial offerings to Poesy, protecting the Bremish from major danger. Most stay indoors and make gifts for their loved ones.
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Calling of the Crops
Late spring
Primarily practiced in the agrarian areas, this festival encourages produce to grow through High Poetry presentations. In addition to blessings and custom-crafted poetry, celebrants will whisper wishes to their newly seeded crops, explaining their necessity and encouraging them to help their masters.
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Wildflower Festival
Late spring
After Rainbreak, the steppes erupt in dramatic flower displays which demand attention from anyone who sees them. Those lucky enough to have some time off will head off to the wildflower fields with picnics, sketching pictures of the flowers or pressing them for later enjoyment. Gifts are often made of these.
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Feast of the Nomad
Early summer
The Bremish tribes are setting up their summer camps at this point, and the settled Bremish honor their heritage with the festival most sacred to Saint Luridalr. Some tribespeople will visit the settlements to perform traditional dances, compete in feats of strength, and show off their horsemanship in carefully coordinated displays.
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Honey Hunt
Mid-summer
It is said that the honey collected near midsummer is the purest and sweetest. People will go and visit local hives to gather honey – some of which is hallucinogenic. Generally a tiny taste will show whether it’s psychoactive, so one must be careful not to imbibe too much lest they be find themselves getting much too close to the All Fallen.
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Feast of Saint Mermina
Late summer
Saint Mermina saved Breme from a major drought on the Great Gold River, so this festival is celebrated by tossing flower votives of her from Mermina’s Bridge in Bewerian. Brave swimmers will dive into the current, hoping to catch one for good luck. The votives are then dried and hung up in their homes.
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Feast of the Horse
Mid autumn
Horses have been essential to Breme for centuries, so it is no wonder that they have an entire festival dedicated to them. In addition to a military parade and a High Poet recitation, celebrants can expect mounted archery competitions, horse racing, and other showmanship – and horse-shaped sugar sticks.
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Feast of All Fallen
Late autumn
A solemn occasion, this is meant to honor the Bremish dead, who are called the All Fallen; their souls are believed to sleep in a cave deep under the Rimuk Mountains until Poesy rewrites the world. People visit graves of loved ones and offer wine, food, incense, and small mementos, aware that these will be washed away by the coming snow.
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First Snow
Early winter
Like in many harsh climates, the first snow of the year is considered something to fear: a time to check one’s larders, ensure that they have enough stored, and ask neighbors for anything one might have missed. To brighten the mood, many will light fires, drink hot cider, and entertain themselves with stories.
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Snow Lights Festival
Midwinter
To cheer up the winter, the Bremish create mulberry paper lanterns to hang from their eeves and will go “questing,” where they challenge homeowners with poetry couplets. Those who beat the homeowner get a warm drink, while those who fail must offer a cookie, roll, or other small trinket. Giftgiving is also common.
Within the past few years, there have been fierce discussions of representation in fantasy, specifically physical disabilities and chronic illnesses. Some argue that it’s unrealistic, as magic should heal all wounds, while others note that a good magic system has limits, and the human body is perhaps too complicated to fully heal.
I, certainly, believe it’s important to represent the full breadth of human experience, including disabilities. However, I’ve noted a potent disregard for a certain class of disabilities in these discussions: mental illness.
As a fantasy author and a person with Bipolar 1 disorder, I’d like to question why we can’t naturally integrate neurodivergency into our fantasy worlds. But first, let’s talk about what representation really means and how it should be used.
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Representation should not be the primary selling point.
A good story is the selling point, not how many identities you have slathered upon a character.
Few things make me grit my teeth more than seeing books advertised with a heaping list of buzzword identities before we even know the plot. I do not want to know that this is about lesbian intersex POC vampires in space. I want to know why these characters are interesting.
Lord help me if you say they’re interesting because they are XYZ identity, because no they are not.
So telling me that you have a bipolar lesbian intersex POC vampire is still not going to get me interested. I have no idea whether you’re going to do a good job of representing this mental illness, just as I don’t know whether you’re going to do a good job representing any of the other identities you’ve added to signifiy that you are a Very Moral Author.
What would get me interested? Showing me that this mental illness has a primary role in the story, that it shapes the plot and the character, and that it introduces significant challenges similar to what I, or any other bipolar person, may experience.
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The mental illness needs to mean something, or it’s simply virtue signalling.
Now, many people chafe at the idea that “every identity has to be there for a reason.” I would agree.
You can write a Black character without it having to be some deep story about racism, and you can have a gay character just because. That’s fine. In fact, I’d argue that this type of casual representation is essential.
Fantasy, and every other genre, doesn’t exist just for cishet white men. Humans are humans; we all have many of the same experiences, even if they are influenced by our marginalization (or lack thereof).
Have characters of whatever color, sexuality, gender identity, or etc that you please. Again, the representation is not the selling point; the story is. A character is not better or worse for being a certain race or sexuality, and banking on that to sell your series is a bad idea.
But.
Mental illness is a little different. It completely changes a person’s life: both their everyday experience and their overall trajectory. The earlier that a mental illness appears, the more it changes someone until they are not who they could have been.
Likewise, very serious mental illnesses like bipolar will make someone struggle with everyday things in ways that a layperson doesn’t even consider, such as wondering if they’re in the same reality as everyone else or frustration with their limitations.
This has to be relevant. You cannot just stick a mentally ill person in there and call it a day.
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Trauma is everywhere in most fictional universes.
People make fun of superhero movies because the everyday people act like ants, blithely going on with their lives even as the world is being ripped apart by demigods. Maybe we get a little vignette of a scared child crying and the superhero comforts them, but for the most part, the background characters are sort of dehumanized: they run or scream, but nothing else. We don’t see lasting effects of these dramas.
These are popcorn movies where no one wants to think too hard, but once viewers leave the movie theatre, the mirage goes away and they’re left feeling unsatisfied.
If your city is being destroyed on a regular basis, wouldn’t you, I don’t know, leave? The fact that there’s denizens of Metropolis or Gotham after a few rounds of these battles is more surprising than that superheroes exist. Therapy sessions in these cities must cost a million dollars because demand is so high.
So there’s a reason that Marvel and DC Comics pump out dozens of these movies a year: people watch them once and move on. They don’t have staying power. The movies are so overwhelming on their own that you wring out all of the dopamine from them in one go and need your next fix.
It’s easy to drop a book, not quite so easy to leave a movie theatre mid-run. As such, us novelists are at a huge disadvantage; we must fight harder to keep our audience’s attention. We can do this by exploring the human condition in all its facets, making something that will stick with them. That means making things interesting and realistic.
Assuming that you’re working with humans as protagonists (because most fantasy stories do), then they’ve got act like IRL people. And IRL people get traumatized by quite a few things.
If you have wars in your fantasy story, you have trauma. If you’ve got famines, you’ve got trauma. If you have oppressive regimes, you have trauma.
There may be trauma behind the scenes you’re not seeing. No matter how wonderful your society, there are still going to be abusive people. There will be domestic violence, substance abuse, sexual assault, murder. These problems have existed since time immemorial, and as much as we may try to fix them, they are showing no signs of going away.
When traumatic experiences occur, mental illness isn’t too far behind. That’s just how it works.
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Mental illness has existed in all cultures and all eras.
When I was studying abroad at University of Stirling, we read The Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner in my Scottish Literature class. I did a presentation explaining how the MC’s symptoms closely matched a psychotic episode, including the fact that delusions often involve persecution and religious themes.
I also did research proving that James Hogg, being close to many medical professionals and alienists (the precursor to psychiatrists), would have been familiar with the emerging research into psychosis. He was a writer who loved exploring contemporary issues, and I’m sure that he would have been fascinated by this new topic.
But my peers didn’t believe me. They insisted that it was more logical to assume that the MC really was talking to the devil and that the book wasn’t an exploration of mental illness. To them, it was easier, simpler, and safer to assume that James Hogg, writing before the full formation of psychiatry, couldn’t possibly have seen, heard, or read about someone having a psychotic episode.
To say I was pissed to be set upon by 20 other students, all claiming I was making things up, would be an understatement. I had all the research right there, hours of digging into the stacks and exploring the evolution of psychology.
But I shouldn’t have been surprised, I guess.
I’ve come across this misconception of mental illness history more than you’d imagine. People really do seem to think that bipolar, schizophrenia, OCD, and other illnesses just magically cropped up when we started studying them. Because these conditions weren’t called out by name, and were instead implied or merely depicted, they did not exist back then.
That is clearly not true. Why would we have started studying mental illnesses if they weren’t already there? Did a bunch of people wake up one day and invent them? Of course not.
In fact, there’s evidence to suggest that bipolar disorder is the result of evolutionary pressures during the Pleistocene era and may have been caused by interbreeding with Neanderthals. Yup, guess you really can call me a Neanderthal and I can’t complain.
This mental illness is older than all of human literature, yet we somehow believe it’s never been depicted before the modern era. That’s pretty ridiculous. Diabetes, gout, and epilepsy have been documented throughout world literature and archaeology; no one would claim they appeared out of nowhere once modern medicine decided to call them something.
So if you’re creating a fantasy society, why wouldn’t there be mental illness? The disorders don’t need the same names we use to exist.
Of course, a second world would not have the same evolutionary adaptations as ours. Maybe there’s completely different illnesses we don’t have. Regardless, it’s clear that humans have developed all sorts of neuroses over history, and there’s no reason to believe they wouldn’t in another world, too.
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The human mind is complex, and magic is not a panacea.
So here’s the real meat of my argument, and it has to do with magic systems.
In my upcoming third book, Funeral of Hopes, Orrinir is grappling with what we would call C-PTSD. His parents were abusive and abandoned him at the War Academy, something that would absolutely destroy a child.
While he’s been able to manage stuff relatively okay for the first few decades of his life, everything is thrown into the air when he gets word that his estranged father is dying. Now he’s revisited by all these horrible memories he tried to suppress, and he doesn’t know how to deal with them.
He’s angry and scared; his abandonment issues crop up, and his relationship with Uileac suffers immensely. One minute, he’s pushing Uileac away, wanting to be alone, and the next he’s terrified that his lover is going to leave him forever.
And, of course, he doesn’t want to infodump all his feelings because they’re too scary to confront. We, and Uileac, get his background drip-fed to us over 60k-ish words; he can’t manage to get it all out in one go.
Understandably, Orrinir is looking for a quick fix now that he’s really struggling. High Poetry seems like the perfect solution, so he goes to Irith Druidinn and demands she help him.
Irith says no. She tells him that the human mind is far too complicated to mess with and that if she does the poem wrong, he could go insane.
And she’s right. The human brain is one of the most complex structures in the known universe. Even after over 100 years of psychiatric study, researchers still don’t know everything about mental illness; they’re not even quite clear on how bipolar actually happens or how to fix it.
We know that certain medications work but not really why. Hell, I’m on an anticonvulsant medication for my bipolar, and I don’t have epilepsy. They have theories on why this medication works but no clear answers; it just does.
So, if we have a society that doesn’t have MRIs and double-blind studies, and they have an inkling that the brain is super complicated and hard to fix, then why would they keep trying after a few disastrous experiments?
Omnipotent magic systems are boring because every single conflict seems pointless. If you can wave a magic wand and solve anything the characters come across, why write a story at all?
Giving magic realistic limitations, such as dealing with mental illness, makes them more grounded and, therefore, more interesting.
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Mentally ill people deserve representation too.
Authors may shy away from representing mental illness for a few reasons:
They don’t want to disrespectful;
They just don’t want to do it;
They’re not confident in their ability to accurately depict mental illness;
They want to focus on all the fun happy adventurous parts of the story;
They think that books being escapism means they must be divorced from reality, never tackling true challenges;
They assume readers don’t want to think about mental illness.
These are all reasonable. You don’t have to do anything in your books that you don’t want to. Neither I nor anyone else is going to put a gun in your face and force you to write stuff you don’t like.
And yes, some readers may not want to read about mental illness, which is also reasonable.
But there are also a few reasons that authors may ignore mental illness that are … not so valid.
They think that writing about mental illness is a downer;
They believe that retconning real world problems is reasonable because no one wants to talk about mental illness in the first place;
They think that mentally ill stories aren’t important;
They have a limited understanding of mental illness and don’t want to learn;
They only think of mental illness as a potential conflict and not a form of characterization;
They think that mental illness is just being “quirky;”
They think mental illness makes a character incompetent or helpless.
I’m probably not going to change your mind if you think this way, which is unfortunate.
Mentally ill people have a lot to give the world. We have interesting stories that can make unique plots, and we have a special lens on the human experience which other people may not understand.
You can help translate our experiences for others who may never gotten to know someone with bipolar, or OCD, or schizophrenia, or a Cluster B personality disorder, or any other mental illness.
And, most importantly, your depictions of mental illness can change minds.
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Writers know that stories are important. Many of us have been transformed forever by picking up a certain book; it blew the doors open on an experience we may never have considered.
By depicting mental illness in a sensitive and thoughtful way, you can develop empathy in others, helping them see the connections between fantasy and real life.
You’re not obligated to, of course, but by doing so, you could make a real difference in real peoples’ lives.
